Collide
by Avye Brendi
Summary: light*ning: a brilliant electric spark discharge in the atmosphere, occurring within a thundercloud, between clouds, or between a cloud and the ground. Or between a cloud and a car. In which case it causes extradimensional travel. Really.
1. Lightning

It was a wet, rainy night – lightning flashed across the sky and thunder rolled as Brendi drove her boyfriend home from dinner. Aaron was sitting in the passenger seat next to her and they sang at the top of their lungs as they rounded the corner to his home. Another streak of lightning lit up the cloudy sky as I pulled up to his driveway. She put the car in park and stopped the windshield wipers, just as the song on the radio ended. Turning in her seat she gazed into Aaron's eyes and found, as usual, that she was being pulled even deeper into them. His black hair accented his almond shaped eyes and if he hadn't been so wet from running around in the rain, she would have reached her arms around him and held him close.

"Make sure you call me when you get back," Aaron said as he prepared himself to step out into the torrential rain. Brendi reached for the radio dial and turned the volume down so that she could hear him talk. "I want to know that you got home safe."

"Will do," Brendi replied, kissing him gently on the cheek. He was warm and still smelled of his shampoo, even though they had been playing in the rain most of the day. Smiling, she inhaled the welcome scent and ran her fingers through his hair.

"Here I go," he said, turning to her and winking. He gave her one last kiss before he reached for the handle and swung the car door wide open. The rain came pouring down on him as he slammed the door shut and raced toward the safety of his empty, open garage. Waving goodbye, Aaron blew her a kiss, and then Brendi watched him go inside, sighing happily to herself. He said _he_ was the lucky one.

Putting the car back into drive, Brendi turned her windshield wipers back on – not like they did any good. The rain was pouring so hard now that Brendi seriously considered parking the car and seeking refuge in Aaron's house to wait out the storm.

Shaking her head, she instead looked up and fixed her rear-view mirror, looking at herself and cursing her inherent feelings of independence. Her blue eyes shone back at her as she noticed that her long brown hair – now tied in a ponytail – was curling and matted in areas. Her love of the rain was going to kill her one of these days. Clawing at her now messy hair, Brendi finally gave up and simply re-did the ponytail. She would wait until she got home to fix it.

Pulling out from the front of the driveway, Brendi turned the corner out of Aaron's neighborhood, watching as lightning frequently flashed across the sky. Looking up ahead through the rain, Brendi could see that she was the only person stupid enough to brave this kind of weather. The streets were empty except for the few parked cars and the grasses on the side of the road were beginning to be beaten down by the heavy water droplets falling from the sky.

Suddenly a lightning burst struck a tree in the median just as Brendi passed it. The resulting fire was quickly put out by the rain, but Brendi's quickly beating heart was not relieved. Turning onto one of the side roads, she realized that she was completely and totally alone. No grasses bordered the roadway, no trees decorated the median, no cars were passing her with windshield wipers beating a steady rhythm.

Brendi wiped her forehead off with her sleeve. It made sense to be as scared as she was – her car was the tallest structure in what was closely becoming a quarter mile. If lightning struck anywhere nearby…

Then, a blinding flash of light lit up the windshield. Brendi tore her hands off of the steering wheel and used her forearms to cover her eyes, after noticing that the dials on the front of the car were going haywire. She could hear the radio screeching out different frequencies – first understandable music and then a wailing of notes that seemed faintly familiar. Screaming to no one, Brendi realized that she was not in pain – the car was grounded, but she still could not open her eyes without being blinded by the continuous white light.

_The lightning should have stopped by now_.

With this thought came a second blast of light on top of the first, and then…

Nothing.


	2. Patients and Potions

"What should we do with her?"

"What do you mean 'what should we do with her'? We can't just leave her out here!"

"What if she wants to stay out here?"

"Really Peter? You think someone _wants_ to stay out in the frigid rain all night long?"  
"When you two lovebirds over their stop arguing will you help me pick the poor girl up?"

It really was cold where I was laying. The ground underneath me was slowly pulling me into the muddy soil and the rain continued to beat me from above. My sweatshirt did me no good when it was sopping wet, and my jeans were clinging close to my skin as if they were the ones freezing their butts off.

My eyes flickered open for a moment, trying to figure out who was talking around me. Then I remembered the accident with the lightning. _ I must have been thrown out of the car_.

My head began to pound in unison with the rain and all I saw were four dark shapes huddled around me before I passed out again.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I didn't know how long I was out. I could only feel my legs finally unfreezing themselves – in fact, it felt like my whole body was thawing. It was the strangest feeling – as if parts of my body were simply melting away. When I opened my eyes again, I found myself in a pure white room, lying on a squeaking, yet surprisingly comfortable mattress. There were white screens on either side of my bed and as I tilted my head upward, I noticed that there were similar beds along either side of the room.

I pushed myself upward with my left hand, only to fall back onto the bed, a shooting pain running from the tip of my finger to my elbow. I yelled out in pain and suddenly a woman in white robes appeared from the other side of the screen.

"Good, you're up!" she said as she turned her back to me. I wasn't really sure why it was good that I was having terrible pains in my wrist but apparently she thought differently. I was grasping my left wrist with my right hand when she came over with an old fashioned looking cup that was full of something steaming.

"Drink up – it will make you feel better," she said, leaving the cup by my bedside and then rushing off to take care of another person who was crying in pain. I glanced back over at the goblet, unsure of what was in it. I mean, it would have been a lot better if the liquid had looked like tea, or maybe coffee, but instead it had the consistency of a chunky smoothie and it was _steaming_.

_This woman must be crazy._ I grasped the cup with my good hand and looked down into the cup. Whatever was in it didn't smell too badly, so I raised the cup to my lips and took a swallow of its contents. The smell did nothing for the taste – I cannot begin to describe how nasty the liquid was once it was swallowed. The best image I can give is that a runner put his smelly socks into dirty dishwater and then someone decided it would be fun to make it thicker by putting in cream of tartar. That's how bad it tasted.

Unfortunately for me, however, with just that one swallow, I could already feel warmth growing into my wrist. It was a painful warmth, but it felt comforting at the same time – as if my broken bones were melding themselves back together. As if that could ever happen.

I drained the cup (not without significant gagging and grimacing) and set it aside, then reached for a pitcher of water that was sitting on the nightstand. I was desperate for something to get the taste out of my mouth. Then, just as I had a firm grasp on the handle of the pitcher, a voice came out of nowhere.

"Feeling better?"

Jumping at the sound of the voice, I accidentally knocked the entire pitcher onto the floor and with a resounding **CRASH** the pitcher and all of its contents found themselves lying scattered on the floor.

_Oh, shit…_

The woman in the white robes came running over from the other side of the room. Shaking her head, she bent over the broken glass and spilt water - with a wave of her hand the pitcher… found itself back on the counter, all contents replaced...

_What was that?_

Turning on her heel, she gave a steely eye to the person who had made me jump in the first place.

"Mr. Potter, if you insist on scaring the patients, I will not tolerate your presence in the Hospital Wing."

"Yes, Ma'am", the voice replied. As the woman in white robes sauntered off, I finally turned to the person who had scared me in the first place.

His black hair was the first thing that caught my attention. It looked as if he had just rolled out of bed, but I knew (from several encounters at my high school) that he probably spent many minutes perfecting the messiness. He couldn't have been more than eleven, or maybe twelve. His brown eyes peaked out from underneath thick glasses and a smile crossed his face – it was a cute smile, but unforgettable.

"Well?" the boy asked again. "Are you feeling better?"

His voice brought me out of the stare contest I was having with his smile and back to reality.

"Yeah, I guess," I replied, still confused. I looked down at my wrist and then tried putting a little weight on it. The muscles were still tender, but it seemed that the majority of the pain had disappeared. "Where exactly am I?"

"You're in the hospital wing, silly. What do you think this is?" he grinned, looking over at the nurse to see if she was coming back. "We brought you here last night from out on the grounds." Grounds… hospital wing…. It was all very confusing – what was this boy talking about? Then, suddenly I remembered the lightning again.

"Oh my gosh! Is my car alright!? Please tell me my car is okay!" I gasped, reaching across the bed toward him. My parents were going to _kill_ me if I totaled that car.

"What car?"

"What do you mean, what car? Wasn't it right next to me?" I stammered. "I was thrown out of it during the accident, I must have been!"

The boy looked at me strangely. "There was no car. Anyway, Muggle things would have stopped working on campus anyway."

"Muggle…" I repeated warily. "Did you just say… 'Muggle'?"

"Yeah," he said again, eyeing me oddly, as if I was some alien from outer space. "You know, people who can't do magic…?"

Muggle… Hospital Wing… Grounds… _Potter?_

The boy stood up, walked around the bed, and reached for the water pitcher that I had broken earlier and poured a glass. I stared at him the entire time, and I guess he must have gotten a little creeped out.

"What?" he asked me strangely.

"Did the nurse just call you _Potter_?" I asked him incredulously. _Please say no, please say no. I only heard her say that because my brain got a little rattled during the accident_.

"Yeah," he said – my heart sank. "I'm James Potter. My friends and I brought you back here when we found you passed out near the Forbidden Forest."

"By friends, you mean…" _It's just a coincidence. He must get a lot of jokes about that, the whole Harry Potter/Marauder reference thing… It's just a coincidence…_

"Sirius, Remus, and Peter," he said, confirming my fears. I must have looked sick after he finished talking, because I thought I heard him ask me if I was alright, but my brain was moving too quickly to register it.

My car got hit by lightning, and somehow I ended up on the grounds by the Forbidden Forest. Four boys had carried me up to the hospital wing, one of which was standing by my bedside, calling himself _James Potter_.

I was brought back to reality as a hand touched the bare skin of my right forearm. "Are you sure you're okay?" James repeated.

"Yeah," I replied, still in shock. There was no way this could have happened, but it did. "Is there any way I can see… talk to… erm… Dumbledore?" I squeaked the last word out, praying that Dumbledore didn't exist. _He's a FICTIONAL CHARACTER. Not real. Not real. Really. _I looked up at James again and he nodded. _No._

"I'm sure Poppy… Madam Pomfrey… won't let you leave, but she will probably let me go get him for you." James seemed genuinely concerned with my welfare, but that might only have been because he thought that I was crazy for the whole "car" scenario.

"There will be no need for that, Mr. Potter," another voice spoke up from behind the curtain to my left. As I turned, I saw a man in light blue robes come around the corner of the curtain. He had hair as white as cotton and a long beard to match. His hands were crossed in front of him, long fingers barely curled around each other. He was tall, but not abnormally so, but his most distinguishing feature was his eyes – they twinkled from behind half moon glasses.

_Oh no. oh no oh no oh no…._

"If you would leave us please, Mr. Potter," Professor Dumbledore asked. "I'm sure Misters Black, Lupin, and Pettigrew would be happy to know that their rescuee is safe and awake."

"Yes, sir!" James responded and with a nod of his head, he disappeared behind the right curtain, the quiet clicking of the hospital wing door following him on his way out. As he left, Professor Dumbledore looked across the top of his glasses and down his nose at my startled face.

"Now, Miss Douglass, tell me exactly how you happened upon Hogwarts."

**A/N: Hi guys! I know I switched from third person to first person view in chapter 2, but I thought that it would be easier to display thoughts and actions from a first person standpoint. I went back to change the first chapter, but it sounded weird to me, so there it is. The person talking is Brendi Douglass, if you were confused. And, no, she doesn't have amnesia (my editor actually asked me that… X_X). She is not from the Harry Potter universe. More details about her and her extra-dimensional travel to come.**


	3. Puzzles and Puzzling Question

I looked up from my bed into the twinkling eyes of Professor Dumbledore. He seemed younger, more full of life than I had imagined when I read the books. He didn't look tired or worn, but he did seem to be held down by something. I know, a weird feeling, but I felt it all the same.

"How do you know my name?" I asked incredulously. I raised my right hand to my head and ran a hand through my hair. Someone had brushed it out – it was not as nasty and rain-matted as I had remembered from before the accident.

"I know that you are Brendi Douglass, formerly of Ipswich, Suffolk County. You are… well…" Dumbledore stopped and smiled at me after doing a once over of my body. "…were seventeen."

I must have looked at him strangely because he chuckled, then placed my wallet and driver's license on the bed next to me. "I am no anatomist, Miss Douglass, but I daresay you are not 17."

"Of course I am," I retorted. This guy was a nutter. "I had my seventeenth birthday a month and a half ago."

"That certainly may be true, Miss Douglass, but here you are not seventeen."

I meant to respond, telling him how crazy he was to say that I was not seventeen. I was most obviously not any other age. But the word "here" caught my attention – _if I'm not seventeen …_

I looked down at my sheet-covered body – someone had removed my sweatshirt and jeans and replaced them with a white nightgown. Something was off, though… I couldn't place it until…

_Where are my curves?_ I looked desperately around me – I found what I was looking for on the nightstand. My fingers curved around a gilded mirror and brought the glass in front of my face. I didn't see the girl that I had looked at in the mirror I had adjusted before leaving Aaron's house. Instead, a smaller, rounder face with a look of utter horror plastered on it greeted me. _What happened?_

It took me a minute or so to have fully comprehended that my whole body had changed – I was younger again.

"Miss Douglas."

Dumbledore's voice brought me out of my little fantasy world again. His demeanor was slightly less cheerful this time.

"Once again, I must ask you how you found your way to Hogwarts."

"Honestly, sir?" I placed the mirror down on the nightstand once again and then proceeded to curl up underneath the sheets of my hospital bed until only my face was visible. "I don't know. Once second I was driving along –"

"Driving? In an automobile?" he interrupted me.

"Yes, sir. And then a flash of white light hit me, hit the car – I… _think_ it was lightning – and then my car started tweaking out and then everything went dark…"

I almost started crying then. I was not comfortable being in a strange bed with injuries I didn't know how I had sustained and people around me that were only supposed to exist in books. I must have looked scared, and I suppose that Dumbledore must have felt sorry for me, because he put a long spindly hand on my sheet-covered foot and smiled.

"You are very brave, Miss Douglass, not to have hit me over the head with that pitcher of water as soon as I approached you and revealed that I knew who you were. I assume that although you know nothing of where you are or what is going on – "

I cocked my head to the side in question.

"I did overhear your conversation with Mister Potter," he explained before continuing. "Anyway, although you know nothing of where you are or what is going on, you have the courage to trust someone like me. And I do know that you have a habit of breaking pitchers, so I'm glad that I was not the cause of Poppy's wrath once again."

I laughed into my formerly broken wrist. I had no idea what he had just said to me, but the last bit was pretty funny. He chuckled as well and made a motion to stand up.

"I shall come and collect you when Poppy allows you to leave the Hospital Wing. There are some formalities we must sort out before you start your schooling."

"My schooling, sir?" I wasn't a witch! _I can't do magic!_

"Your schooling, Miss Douglass. While we figure out what to do with you, you should be occupying your time with something else, and seeing as you must have arrived here by magic, you must be taught to manipulate your gift. I shall see you soon. Oh, and Miss Douglass?"

"Yes sir?"

"Do not tell anyone else what you have told me. If what I believe has happened really has happened, you could be setting our whole world into jeopardy."

And with that, Professor Dumbledore turned around and walked behind the next curtain toward the exit. He greeted one of my fellow patients and then whispered something I don't think I was supposed to hear.

"Oh Poppy, I am afraid I have made a terrible mistake."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dumbledore did not come to call on my anytime in the next three days, which was slightly irritating. His lack of appearance was not reassuring to my case – I didn't know why they were keeping me in the hospital wing for such a long period of time even though I had already healed.

James came by the second day after Dumbledore and I had talked and handed me a book of puzzles.

"Here, Remus gave me this," he started. "He's too busy corralling Sirius to come by himself, but he said that he was glad you were feeling better." I started flipping through the pages of the book while he paused. The silence was awkward. Finally he started talking again, although he seemed a little awkward as he was talking. "I'll make sure you get to meet them, you know. They were really worried about you when we found you out on the grounds…" He began to laugh. "Especially Peter! You should have seen the look on his face when we pulled your hood back and saw that you were out cold. He thought that you were dead…" He paused again, suddenly embarrassed. "Of course… I'm not saying that… well, you being dead isn't funny and all but…"

"Thanks," I interjected into his stream-of-consciousness, mostly because I didn't want him to start asking strange questions about how I ended up on the grounds, soaking wet and unconscious. "You know, for the book." James didn't seem like the overtly pompous git that I had read about in the series and he _was _having a good time and joking around with me… _Oh no._

My right hand flew straight to my head as I shut my eyes. How could I have been so stupid! I knew everything about these people's lives – what they were going to do, who they would love and hate, and how they would die… All because of my stupid little Harry Potter obsession!

"Are you alright?" James said hurriedly. He hesitated and then placed a hand on my shoulder and asked me if he should go get the nurse but I shook my head and looked away from him. _How can I look at him honestly, knowing that he is going to be killed in a few years time? And…_ _Peter…_ I opened my eyes again and looked up into his big brown ones. Peter was going to betray them all and he was right here, here in Hogwarts. They would never know it. They never could. _This is what Dumbledore meant by jeopardy…_

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. This stupid potion gives me random migraines," I said, pouring myself a drink of water from the pitcher. I made sure not to drop it this time. Taking a sip, I looked back up at him. _They can never know…_

"Alright," he said, still looking concerned. He had removed his hand from my shoulder and taken a seat near the rightward curtain. "Well, Charms starts in a few minutes, so I better be going. Any idea when you're going to get out of here?"

"No, but hopefully soon. Dumbledore says that I'll be in classes as soon as I am released."

"Great!" James' eyes lit up as he stood, his chair scooting backwards behind him. "Remus will be glad to hear that." He turned around to leave but I reached over and grabbed the sleeve of his robe before he could get away.

"James?" I said as he turned back around. "Thanks again." He smiled sweetly. "Tell the others that too, especially Remus… you know, for the puzzle book."

"I'll be sure to do that."

I smiled up at him and took another swallow of water as the door clicked silently behind him.


	4. Wands and Wizards Hats

I was released from the hospital wing two days after James had visited me. My puzzle book from Remus was almost complete when Dumbledore strode in, merrily humming some song that I didn't recognize. Reaching the foot of my bed, he smiled and spoke.

"I assume you are ready to leave, Miss Douglass?" He didn't let me respond before he continued. "Good, good. Now we must be off. Poppy will gather your things for you while you change into your robes."

He handed me a pile of black cloth before the nurse ushered me into the nearby washroom to change. I emerged five minutes later looking like a true Hogwarts student, robes and all. I was pulling my hair back into a ponytail again when I reached Dumbledore and the nurse who were talking in quiet undertones. I coughed lightly and Dumbledore looked over the nurse's shoulder and met my eye.

"You are prepared to leave then?" He asked me before turning around and walking toward the great oaken doors. The nurse shoved my belongings (what few I had) into my hands and then gave me a shove after the Headmaster, who was walking quickly. It took me a while to catch up to him – I was still getting used to walking with shorter, younger legs. I followed him out of the hospital wing and up a flight of stairs, where he hurried two straggling students along to class. Reaching the end of the hallway, Dumbledore approached the gargoyle and muttered "Peppermint Humbug" under his breath. Instantly the gargoyle stepped aside and a stairway began slowly climbing upward. Dumbledore moved forward and caught the stairway at its third step, and I fell behind on the seventh step.

The stairwell slowly twisted upward into what seemed to be another tower. After a few moments it shuddered to a stop and Dumbledore climbed the extra two steps and opened the door that the staircase had led us to. Following him inside, it was as if I had stepped into a daydream. The headmaster's office was just how I had always pictured it. A large desk sat to one side, with a few tables in between it and the door. The walls were crammed with glass cases that held various odds and ends. I noticed a chocolate frog card of Dumbledore waving at me from a nearby case, and as I looked up I noticed that a few of the portraits of previous Headmasters were doing the same.

"Is this her, Albus?" one of them whispered as I passed by. Dumbledore gave a silent nod to the portrait and then walked around the other side of the desk to have a seat.

"Now," he began, putting the tips of his long fingers together in front of his face. "Where do we begin? Obviously you need to be sorted, and then I suppose you must be given a wand and proper casual attire – those clothes will not be enough, I imagine. We also –"

"Sir?" I interrupted. "I don't really know if I can do magic. I mean, are you sure I am a witch?"

"My intuition says that you are not only a witch, but a fairly powerful one. I may look old, Miss Douglass, but I know when to trust my intuition."

"Well then," I continued, still unsure. "I know this sounds sort of, well… obvious, but I don't have any money. If you went through my wallet, you'll know that I only have a few pounds in..." Gulp. "…muggle money". I found the words hard to say – as if I was talking about something that had always existed, even though I had never realized that Muggles were anything more than literary fiction.

"No matter." Dumbledore smiled secretly – my interruption apparently did not bother him. "I shall loan you some money and that will be that." It was a kind gesture, but I felt uncomfortable with it. Nonetheless I allowed him to continue.

"Then there is the matter of your lack of magical knowledge. Obviously you are the proper age to be starting as a first year…" _Even though I'm actually seventeen, I look eleven. Great. I'll need to remember that._ "… so there won't be any major issues. I shall have your head of house arrange for a tutor for you. You have only missed ten weeks, so you should be caught up by Christmas, if we haven't found you a way to get home by then."

"The first order of business is your wand. We cannot have you doing magic without a wand, no matter how you got here in the first place." A look of sadness passed over his face, or I thought one did. His face went immediately back to as it had been – his normal smile barely faltered. "I have asked Mr. Ollivander to bring a sample of his wands up to the office for you. He should be here in a moment-"

He was cut off by the small fire to the left of his desk, which I hadn't noticed before, turning green and growing large. A figure appeared, spinning quite rapidly, then slowing down and finally stepping into the office. The strange, creepy Ollivander smiled and nodded at Dumbledore who returned the favor. His large eyes then turned to me and looked at my small, trembling figure (even though I knew that he had used Floo Powder, it still unnerved me to see someone step out of green flames unharmed).

"Ah, yes. Miss Douglass," he began, placing the dozen boxes that he had been carrying down on the desk in front of him. "We should start with your measurements." A measuring tape flew out of nowhere and began measuring my arm length and diameter as Ollivander rifled through the many boxes. Finally, the measuring tape disappeared and Ollivander pulled a wand out of a box. He handed to me, mentioning something about a dragon tooth or something and told me to "give it a wave".

I swish-and-flick-ed and a vase nearby Dumbledore simply wobbled on its stand. _Wait, what? _Ollivander yanked the wand from my hand and replaced it with another. I tried again and this time the vase flickered into disappearance, causing the flowers and water to fall to the floor, before reappearing. _Did I really just do magic. Crappy magic, but still magic…_Dumbledore cleaned up the mess with a simple wave of his hand while Ollivander replaced my wand once more.

This time was different. I could feel the wand fit perfectly into my hand as a warm shiver ran down my spine. _I might actually be a witch._

"Congratulations, Miss Douglass!" Ollivander said suddenly, startling me again. _I need to pay attention to things more often. I'm a regular neurotic mess._ "Ten and a quarter inches, oak and ivy, unicorn tail hair… Very fine wand, very fine indeed."

I held the wand close to my chest, as if I felt that it would leave when Ollivander did. Gathering up his wand boxes, Ollivander leapt back into the newly Floo-ed flames with a smile on his face. Muttering the name of his store, he turned quickly and disappeared into the flames.

I looked back at Dumbledore, who was eyeing me closely. "You asked me if you were a witch, Miss Douglass. Now you know that my intuition is often correct." Smiling, Dumbledore closed his eyes in thought. Suddenly, he stood up and walked over to one of the older looking glass cases in his office. Atop the case sat an old, withered looking hat with a wide brim.

_The sorting hat. This gets weirder and weirder._

Picking the hat up gently, Dumbledore turned to me. "Now for the next necessity - this won't hurt a bit. I'll just put the hat on your head and –"

"It will sort me. I know." I said without thinking. My cheeks immediately flushed – _I'm new here. I'm not supposed to know that!_

Dumbledore looked at me over his half-moon glasses with a look of curiosity, but he didn't inquire as to how I knew about the sorting hat. Instead he simply approached me and placed the hat on my head. There were some quiet mutterings in my ears before the hat finally spoke.

"You are particularly strange to sort, young Douglass." His (it's?) voice startled me and caused me to jump when it first spoke, but after the initial shock was over, a worry set in. _What if I can't be sorted? What if that wand thing was a fluke and I'm not a witch after all?_

"You are smart, yes, but also loyal and true. You have ambition, but your heart shows not the motive found in Slytherin…" I did an internal happy dance. I did _not_ want to be put into Slytherin.

"Happy with that, are we young Douglass?" the hat asked before continuing. "Well, I think I've made my mind up, you belong in only one house."

Silence, then…

"GRYFFINDOR!" it shouted to the almost empty office.

At the same time, mutterings began behind the door to Dumbledore's office just before it slammed open and a young, loud voice cried "I told you so!"


	5. Punishments and Portraits

Chapter 5:

I felt the sorting hat being pulled off of my head as the young intruder came further into the office. I whipped around and ended up face to face with a boy, almost exactly my height, with longish black hair. He was grinning wildly at me when I heard more sounds coming from behind him. I stretched up on my tip-toes to look over his shoulder, and then smiled.

In from behind him walked James, who was being pulled along by the ear by an obviously irritated lady in all green robes – James didn't seem too fond of his predicament. Two more boys entered behind them, one lanky and tawny haired and the other squat and blonde. The tawny haired one had his face in his palm and was shaking his head in obvious dismay and embarrassment. The other one kind of stood in the doorway as if he was about to piss himself from fear.

The green-robed lady swiftly came up behind the long-haired boy just as I was coming back down from my tip-toes and proceeded to inflict the same punishment on him as she was on James – her fingers clamped around his ear, she dragged them to the side toward the Headmaster.

"Albus, I caught these four trying to sneak into the Restricted Section of the Library not more than ten minutes ago!" the irritated lady proceeded to say as she pulled the two black-haired boys up beside her. "This is the second time this week! Fifth in the past month!"

She was cut off by a rising of Dumbledore's eyebrows and an upward tweak of his lips. "So, they seem to have an interest in smelly old books. I see no problem with that, Irma…" he trailed off, looking down at the two boys. The boys seemed a bit more embarrassed now, but the expression on the lady's face went a different direction.

"The Restricted Section, Albus!"

Dumbledore simply chuckled. "Leave them here, Irma. I'll figure out a punishment worthy of their… crime."

At that point, both of the boys started to giggle, but it was quickly cut off by a harsh jerk of their ears. Finally the woman let go and turned around in a huff, barely pausing to brush the other two boys aside before she stormed out of the office. Silence enveloped the room, broken only by Dumbledore's movement around his desk back to his chair and the soft patter of feet as the tawny haired and blonde boys stepped up behind their accomplices. Dumbledore quietly sat in his chair and put the tips of his fingers together. Then, looking over his half-moon spectacles at the four of them, he smiled to himself.

"Seeing as I do owe you a great deal of debt for bringing Miss Douglass back to the castle safely…" At this point he gestured toward me and the four boys looked at me curiously. I returned the look, measuring them up. They had to be the four marauders-to-be – the blonde one, Peter, the tawny haired one, Remus, and the other ebony haired one – _Sirius_. "…I will not punish you as severely as I ought to for breaking –"

Sirius and James let out a half-laugh, half-holler that drowned out the rest of Dumbledore's words. Only when Dumbledore cleared his throat did the two boys let him continue.

"As I was saying, I will not punish you _as _severely as I _ought _to. Therefore, your punishment will be one detention a piece…" James and Sirius seemed unfazed by this, but Remus and Peter were much less amused.

"But professor!" Remus started, his voice oddly quiet. "Peter and I were trying to _stop _them. They're the morons here!"

"Hey!" Sirius started to say before Dumbledore continued.

"I understand who is directly at fault here, Mr. Lupin, but it would have been wiser to alert a teacher rather than get mixed up in this plan yourself." At this, Remus let his head hang. "As I was _saying_," Dumbledore continued yet again, as if not bothered by the interruption, "one detention a piece and you will also spend at least one hour a day helping Miss Douglass catch up with her studies until she is up to scratch with the rest of the first year class. Am I understood?"

Remus was the first to nod, looking over in my direction. He seemed all too eager to get out of the office before his "friends" got him another detention. James nodded as well, grinning my way before turning back toward Sirius, who was still looking at me. It took a few moments for him to look back toward Dumbledore and nod. Peter just stood there looking as if he was about to piss his pants.

"You are dismissed then," Dumbledore said, gesturing toward the door. Peter scurried out, followed by the other three. As I turned to go, Dumbledore called my name again.

"Miss Douglass, do watch out for those two – Black and Potter," he said grinning. "You may not want to end up like Mr. Lupin, innocent and yet punishable…"

I quickly nodded and hurried out the door, eager not to get lost on my first official day at Hogwarts.

By the time I made it down the stairs outside Dumbledore's office, the boys were already scurrying away, all except Remus who had stayed behind. He was waiting quietly in the shadows, obviously still irritated that he had landed the detention. I approached him slowly, shifting my belongings (what few I had) to my left arm to relieve my right.

"Remus, right?" I began, allowing him time to look up at me and nod his head. "Could… do you think… I mean…" I didn't really know why I was stammering. I shouldn't have been – all of seventeen years of talking should have worn the stammering out of my usual voice pattern.

"Common room?" he finished for me, starting to smile a little. "Sure, I'll take you there." Gesturing for me to follow him, he started off at a brisk pace, following a different path than the ones James, Sirius, and Peter had taken. After a little while of walking down the empty stone corridors, he started to talk again.

"So…" he said quietly. "You're Brendi, right? Brendi Douglas?" I nodded and let him continue. "You got the book, I sent you? In the hospital wing? I thought James might have just ditched it after I told him it was for you."

"Why would he do something like that?" I asked, already half-knowing the answer.

"Because that's just what he does," Remus sighed, his hands in the pockets of his robes. I reached into mine subconsciously and gripped the long wand that sat in the inside pocket. I held it for a moment, as if I was afraid it would fly away, and then released it, content that I could feel it bumping against my side as I walked. Remus and I continued our conversation in an odd sort of manner – he would ask questions, I would answer, and then there would be a long, pregnant pause before the next question. And then…

"How did you get here?" he finally asked. He must have been thinking about it the entire walk down from Dumbledore's office to the common room. I hesitated a moment before answering – I had absolutely no idea what to say. I couldn't just tell him that I wasn't a witch until this morning, but…

That's when I thought of Aaron.

He must have been worried sick about me. I hadn't said goodbye, I hadn't even… he had no idea what was going to happen. We never got to say goodbye. I could be stuck here for a while, and my whole family would be worried about me. _What if they stop looking for me? What if Aaron just forgets about me?_ _What if…_

"What if I never got back?" I mumbled, unaware that Remus was still waiting for my answer.

"What?" he asked, curiously, his eyebrows pinched in a pitying form. "Did you hear me, Brendi?"

My eyes snapped up into his and I tried to smile. "Nothing, I just was thinking." The smile must have looked real enough, because Remus looked away. He still looked worried, but there was relief written on his face. And I still had to come up with an answer for him.

Luckily, I never had to give one.

At that very moment, a very odd little shiver went up my spine, just before our pathway was blocked by a very angry looking crowd. Fortunately, they were not directing their anger toward either of us, but toward a very empty painting at the end of the corridor.

"Oh come on!" Several angry male voices drifted down the corridor. "This is the third time this week!"

There was a brief pause, then…

"Remus!"

James came bounding down the corridor with a sloppy grin on his face. "Hey, you wanna go find the Fat Lady for us? She abandoned her portrait… _again_." I looked up toward where James had come from to see Sirius and Peter standing plainly in front of the empty, bronze rimmed portrait. Peter was glancing nervously (the boy seemed to do everything nervously) between James and the portrait, while Sirius' eyes were focused happily on the back of James' robes.

"Go check Violet's portrait. She's probably enjoying herself over there." Remus said calmly, flipping his bangs out of his face. He casually motioned toward the other end of the corridor.

"Oh, right," James said, a look of understanding coming over his face. Then confusion took over again. "But Violet's portrait is off the Great Hall! That's six floors down!" Remus gave him a look and sighing, James turned back around and walked away, somewhat upset. He stopped near where Sirius and Peter were still standing and started whispering with them.

"Brendi," I heard Remus say. I ripped my eyes away from the boys just as Sirius looked over James' shoulder at me. Turning to face the tawny-haired boy, he looked into my eyes. "Since the Fat Lady seems to have," he cleared his throat and mimicked James' irritation, "_abandoned her portrait_, would you like me to show you around the castle?" I nodded nervously, clutching my belongings to my chest, once again remembering how little I had in this world.

Remus started toward the corridor on the other end of the Fat Lady, just as the other three boys took off in the same direction. I had to take long steps to catch up with Remus, now watching the tails of Peters robe disappear behind the next corner.

"Do they normally… you know," I started. "Leave you behind?" Remus nodded, smiling sadly. _Sadly?_

"They have so many ideas, so many things they have to do," he said, shoving his hands in the pockets of his robes. "I'm not like them." Noticing my worried look, he tried to reassure me. "Don't worry about me. I'm an only child, so I'm used to being alone."

I started to say something, but he cut me off.

"Really, don't worry about me. I've known worse than being stuck giving tours. Oh!" He started to look flustered. "That came out wrong… what I… I didn't… I mean…"

I started to giggle. Putting my hand over my mouth did not stifle the laughter, and Remus started to look horrified. His face flushed, which only served to increase my humor in the situation.

"Oh, Remus," I said between giggles. "You look so red!" He reached a hand up to his cheek and smiled.

"I suppose I am," he said, letting a chuckle escape him. "I really don't know why." We laughed for a few moments in the hallway before he decided we should be off again.

"Anyways," he tried again, his mood obviously heightened. "What I meant was that letting them run errands while I lead you around the castle isn't the worst thing I've ever experienced." He said it with a turn of his lips. If he had been talking to anyone else, they would have interpreted that smile as exaggeration – surely an eleven year old could not know such terrible things yet.

I knew better. My mood quickly dissipated, and Remus seemed to catch its fall, so I stuck a fake smile on my face to comfort him. He seemed satisfied, as he turned around and headed down the nearest staircase. I watched him go for a moment, allowing my smile to drop from my face, a frown of worry replacing it. I closed my eyes and released my kept breath in a sigh, then looked forward again to fall in step behind my newest friend.

_Oh, Remus. How much you think I don't know…_


	6. Troubles and Trophies

Chapter 6:

The tour went on for the better part of an hour. Remus seemed quite enthusiastic about sharing his knowledge of the castle with me, almost as if he was still getting over the shock of being allowed to come to school given his condition. It was only after I had remembered that grave detail that I started to see the tiredness in his face, the beginnings of scars that would mar him forever. A twang of guilt beat through my heart as I followed him around the entrance hall, listening to him point out the Great Hall and the passageway to the dungeons.

He held the door open for me and led me into the Great Hall. If there was any moment that really convinced me of my guilty feelings, it was seeing his face light up at the cavernous room, with the four great tables lined side by side. Any normal (using the term as loosely as can be construed) person would have felt like they had their wildest wish granted – here I was holding a wand, sorted into Gryffindor, and standing in awe at the Great Hall. It should have felt like a dream. Instead…

_I shouldn't be here. _I thought to myself as I shadowed Remus towards what must have been the Gryffindor table. _This isn't right. I know too much – too much for me to be safe talking to them. _I didn't even know who "they" were. Among these tables could be a Prewett, a Bones, or an Abbott. _I know so much about who they are… who they will be. It will come out sooner or later that I'll know their futures. What then?_

There were several people sitting at the Gryffindor, some with books propped open and plates full of mid-morning snack, while others practiced wandwork with wild flourishes and quite a few soft curses. The few that were trying to study kept glancing angrily toward the end of the table, where a cloud of noise was arising.

"I told you she wouldn't be there!"

"Shut your trap, Pettigrew."

"But James!"

"I said-"

James quickly silenced himself as he noticed us approaching. His irritation at the mousy boy next to him quickly morphed into a manipulative smile most obviously directed toward Remus.

"Remus! Ole' buddy! Ole' pal!" He grinned, waving his hands furiously in a gesture welcoming us to the table. He forcibly shoved Peter aside to make room for Remus while simultaneously offering me a seat across from him next to Sirius, whom I had only just noticed. I took my seat and took a good look at him – the one I had so often read about.

It was odd the way his black hair fell in front of his face. I could see how someday that face would sparkle and be the prize of the female population of Hogwarts, but now it sullenly stared down at his apple, half eaten. He dropped it on his plate, leaned back, and crossed his arms, his eyes never shifting. My only greeting was a slight nod of the head in my general direction. It was then I realized that he had yet to speak to me. I had heard his voice only once – in the Headmaster's office. Even then his smile had been distracting – now that he was out in the open again he seemed simply distracted himself. Perhaps, however free he felt in private, in public he had yet to move past the fact that he was the black sheep of the family.

Sure enough, before I could stop myself I had sneaked a glance at the opposite side of the room and caught the wild eyes of a shockingly pretty black-haired woman glaring at me. Startled, she quickly diverted her eyes to the boy sitting next to her that was desperately trying to get her attention. I held my gaze until she looked back – the beautiful face suddenly contorted into a scowl and I realized who I was looking at.

"That's my cousin," a quiet voice spoke. I started slightly – I had been drowning out the conversation between James and Remus (it was less of a conversation and more of an argument over who would search the castle for the Fat Lady – Remus was winning), and hadn't expected Sirius to talk to me. "I wouldn't stare at her for too long. It's already bad enough that you're sitting with me."

I turned toward him, but his eyes were still locked on his food, even if they weren't seeing it. His eyes were hallow, missing something. They weren't the same eyes that had held mine so dramatically in the Headmaster's office, but a ghost, a shadow of them.

If there was one thing I would have expected sitting in the seat next to the infamous Sirius Black, it would have been a giddy, happy-go-lucky boy who seemed to have nothing to lose. I would have expected more joy and less… fear. Less loneliness. But sure enough, it was that loneliness that shadowed his face. _If only I could tell him what his future holds_,I thought. _Perhaps then he would appreciate where he is now_.

That's when it came to me. The thought I always held in the back of my mind as I had read the novels. What if…

What if Tom Riddle never existed? What if Lord Voldemort would never ruin the lives of these innocent people? It was a long shot, but I had ended up in this world, hadn't I? If that could happen then surely it was possible! I had to know, and I could only think of one way to find out.

"Remus?" I asked as sweetly as I could. Both him and James stopped mid-sentence to look at me questioningly. I felt my cheeks flushing slightly. "Do you think we could continue the tour? I don't think I've seen the trophy room yet." He cocked his head to the side.

"The trophy room? Uh… yeah, sure," he replied, moving to stand up. James reached for his shoulder and shoved him back down in the seat.

"Remus," he said, just barely on the side of rudely. "While you're at it…" Remus calmly removed James' hand from his shoulder.

"No," he said shortly as he stood up, motioning me to join him at the end of the table where we had entered the hall only moments before. I did so, sneaking a glance back both at Sirius and at the Slytherin beauty. Both were paying no attention to me, and I turned back to Remus.

He held the door open for me and I the last thing I heard before the door clicked behind us was James' insistent cries of irritation, directed at Peter once more.

The trophy room wasn't very well described in the books – I didn't really know what to expect. I suppose my expectations didn't really have any reason to be dashed. It was a trophy room after all. It smelled of old brass and dust, plenty of dust. I moved along the walls, scanning each shelf for the award that I knew should be there somewhere. My fingertips passed lightly over the glass panes of the award cases, picking up more grime as they went along. _Apparently there aren't enough detentions to go around…yet_. I was only semi-following the monologue that Remus was procuring for my supposed interest. He was going on about famous alumni of Hogwarts, and seemed pretty puffed up to be allowed among their ranks.

Suddenly a small twinge in my fingertips pulled my eyes from a small trophy ("Outstanding Prefect of the Decade, 1780s") to a larger, more ornate plaque hanging from the back of a case. I felt a twisting in my gut as I read the award. There it was.

_Outstanding Services to the School_

_Awarded to_

_Tom M. Riddle_

_June, 1943_

"Find something of interest?" Remus asked, approaching behind me from the side of the room that held all of the quiddich awards. I looked up at him to see him reading the plaque over my shoulder.

"Just this old plaque," I replied, trying to keep my voice as calm as possible. It was hard lying about the wizard that would eventually take the lives of the people I was now going to school with. "Any idea what it's for?"

"Tom… Riddle…" Remus said slowly. He seemed to be trying to recall a memory. "Nope, I'm not familiar with him. Whatever he did it must have been pretty amazing to have gotten that award. I haven't seen any others like it."

"No, I don't suppose you would," I said aloud to myself. Remus' reflection in the glass looked at me quizzically, but he didn't reply so I escaped into my thoughts once more. This seemed to have sealed the fate of these people. This world was the same as it was in the books that I had poured over for the better part of my childhood.

_Dumbledore must have some idea that I know more than just that I am in a different world. He must have realized that I know more about this one than I should._ I sighed to myself and moved on, trying to keep from acting too strangely about that one award. _No need to let them know more than they need to._

I had actually gone over this scenario in my head, as strange as it sounds. Would I tell them what they could do to save countless lives? Would I tell them that the wizard who seemed to excel at everything at school would soon end their own lives? I could never reason out one way or another whether I would tell them – on one hand it would most certainly save some lives, but on the other, who knows then, if all of the things I knew were never to occur, what the future would hold. If You-Know-Who found out about the future then –

"Ready to go?" Remus interrupted my thoughts. I spun around to face him and put on a second fake smile, which he returned in truth. "I have the feeling the Fat Lady has no longer abandoned her duties."

Sure enough, the Fat Lady had, irritated though she was, returned to her portrait and was admitting students to the common room. Remus and I were among the last stragglers to climb into the common room. That same instant, an older woman in emerald robes swooped down on us, parchment in hand.

"Professor!" Remus addressed her, surprised.

"That will do, mister Lupin," the woman replied. "I have some things to discuss with miss Douglass. And although I trust you have thoroughly practiced turning matches into needles, suffice to say I do not believe some of your acquaintances have even lifted their wands. Do let them know that if they fail again in tomorrow's class, they will not be enjoying free time for much longer."

"Of course, Professor," Remus said with a nod of his head. He gave me a quick smile and scurried off toward what must have been the boy's dormitories.

The woman watched him go and then turned back to face me. Putting one hand on my shoulder, she steered me off into a less-populated corner of the room and with a glance, encouraged the couple of students present to take their gobstones game elsewhere. Gesturing me into the newly abandoned armchair, she allowed me to sit and then handed me the piece of parchment.

"I am Professor McGonagall and will be teaching your transfiguration classes. This is your new schedule, miss Douglass," she said, absentmindedly brushing her hands over her robes. "All of your supplies have been purchased and are waiting in your room. You will be escorted to Hogsmeade this coming weekend to purchase anything else you feel you require. Any questions?"

I shook my head and glanced down at my schedule before rolling it up and stuffing it in a pocket.

"Very well then," she continued. "I will show you to your room."

Robes flurrying behind her, she turned around and was halfway across the room before I was out of my chair. Running to catch up, we ascended the staircase to the girl's dormitories. We stopped in front of a wooden door that read "First Year, I", and Professor McGonagall raised her hand and knocked, and then turned the handle and let herself in.

The room was empty, so McGonagall escorted me to the closest four-poster on the right. The trunk on the end of the bed was brand new with my last name printed in neat letters across the front. The other four beds looked slept in, and the individual corners lived in. My bed and dresser were pristine. I laid a hand on my bed and then turned and sat down on it, looking up at the professor.

"I guess this is it then…" I said, softly. It seemed so finalized, this entrance into Hogwarts. It was so official – and so depressing. Any hope of going home floated away with that breath.

A smile moved across the professor's face. "I hope you find it comfortable here, miss Douglass. It seems the Headmaster has taken a special interest in you, and as you are in my house, I must take the same interest. My office is on the first floor."

And with that, she turned and left, closing the door quietly behind her. Looking around the room, I finally flung myself back onto the pillows on my new bed. My head met the pillows with a light crunch. _Crunch?_

Sitting back up, I looked down at the pillows to find a slightly crushed envelope with my name in spidery letters written across the front.

_Dumbledore._


	7. Lilies and Laughter

Chapter 7:

I reached for the envelope and turned it over, running my finger along the inside of the flap and pulling it open. The letter on the inside was made of the same parchment. I unfolded it and read silently:

_Miss Douglass – _

_As you have probably discovered, you're presence here is unusual._

_All the same, until we understand the nature of your arriving at Hogwarts you are forbidden to speak of your past to anyone. For now, we will act as if you have been overcome with short-term amnesia regarding your accident. You may create for yourself a past, to speak of in polite conversation, but for as of what you truly know, speak of it to no-one. _

_I invite you to join me in my office this coming Friday evening, at eight o'clock. _

_-Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, Headmaster_

I read over the letter once more and then laid it down on the bed beside me. Not only was I now alone, among people who shouldn't exist, my identity had been stripped away from me. The only thing I had left was my name. I began to cry – bending my face down to be cradled in my hands. I felt the tears falling in between my fingers and my whole body shook with the sobs. I sat on the bed, my feet heavily hanging off the edge for several moments before falling onto my pillows and wetting them with tears. It wasn't only that I was alone, I felt abandoned. This was no daydream, no fantasy. My newly discovered magic did nothing to calm the thoughts that threatened to tear me apart.

The door to the sleeping quarters opened and slammed violently and I looked up surprised, a sob caught in my throat. A girl with straight brown hair was dumping a load of books on her bed, frustrated. She seemed not to have noticed me, so I did my best to wipe my eyes. She must have heard me moving because she spun around.

"What… what are you doing?" she sputtered, reaching for her wand. "You don't belong here!" She had grabbed her wand and although I figured she couldn't do much of anything to hurt me, an explanation would probably save face in the long run.

"I do, actually-" I began, before I was interrupted by the door opening again.

"Gwen, put your wand down!" the new entry, her face obscured by a mass of red hair, shouted across the room as she dumped her own load of books onto her bed. Spinning around toward me, the red-haired girl noticed that my eyes were puffy and rushed over toward me.

"Are you okay? Professor McGonagall told me you would be assigned to our room." Turning around, she looked up at the brown-haired girl who still had her wand in her hand and looked rather nervous. "Aw, Gwen, relax. She's the girl that Potter and Black brought in from the grounds last week. Honest. Now go and see if your books mention anything about the History of Magic homework." Gwen seemed satisfied with that answer and turned to sift through her books, but she kept a wary eye on me and kept her wand nearby.

My attention was drawn back to the red-headed girl. She had climbed onto the bed, mirroring me. One hand rested on my foot.

"I'm Lily Evans. You are?"

"Brendi Douglass."

"Well, hi, Brendi. Welcome to our bedroom. How are you holding up? I assume Potter and Black didn't do anything to you yet."

I shook my head and looked down at the bed.

"Not that they would touch a Gryffindor, you know. And you're a girl, which is a plus." She stopped to breathe. "Professor McGonagall told me to make sure that you had everything you need here. You do have everything you need, don't you? Your books, robes, everything?" I nodded, not bothering to interject. Dumbledore's note was still lying open next to Lily, and she had noticed it. We reached for it at the same time, but I touched it first and snatched it back to my chest.

"I'm sorry, this is private."

"Oh, alright." Lily smiled. I noticed she was just as nervous as Gwen. "Was it why you were crying?"

I just sat there and looked at her. _Who would ask something like that?_ I nodded and looked away. The awkward silence permeated the room for another few moments before she stood up again.

"Alright, well the washroom's that way-" she pointed to a door directly across the room from my bed. "-if you want to wash your face or something." I nodded again and she gave me a pitiful smile and then turned back to her bed and began going through her books.

I brought the letter away from my chest and re-read it. I must have sat for minutes simply staring at the parchment, before I finally found the energy to fold it in quarters and shove it under the pillow. I stood, then, and made my way to my trunk. Sure enough, Dumbledore had followed through. All my school books and supplies lay stacked to the left, and new robes and other wizardly accessories lay to the right. In the center was a draw string bag with a note pinned to it.

_Use these wisely._

I picked up the back and opened it. Inside was an assortment of gold, silver, and bronze coins. The bronze were more common – I picked one up and turned it over in my hand. _So this is what a knut looks like_.

Placing it back in the bag, I drew the string closed and dropped the bag into the trunk, pushing it under a pair of socks. Wiping a stray tear from my cheek, I reached for the closest book (_The Dark Forces: A Guide to Self Protection_ by Quintin Trimble) and opened to the first page. The book was still crisp – I could smell the fragrance of the binding glue and fresh paper. It calmed me down slightly, and I skimmed through the first chapter before I put the book back in the trunk and softly closed the lid. I turned around and moved toward the washroom without looking up at Gwen or Lily.

I wrapped my hand around the bronze handle of the sink and opened the faucet to warm water. I stuck my hands in the basin before it was done filling and brought the water in my cupped hands up to my face, splashing it over my cheeks. After two more repetitions, I looked up into the mirror above the sink. I looked like hell.

My eyes were red and swollen, my cheeks raw from where I had rubbed them too hard. My hair was disheveled and my robes spotted with tears. Shaking my head, I splashed my face again to make sure that my eyes were no longer too obviously puffy. Once I was satisfied with the state of my face, I ran my fingers through my hair again and brushed my hands on my robes. Entering the dormitory again, I almost ran smack into Lily.

"Oh!" she said, stepping back. "I was just coming to check in on you. You were in there for a while. A little too long if you ask me."

"Aw, Lily, no one's asking," Gwen called from the other side of the room. "She was only in there for five minutes. She's eleven. She can take care of herself."

Lily turned around, blushing and removed herself to her bed. Gwen approached me, then, for the first time.

"I'm sorry for scaring you earlier. I just wasn't expecting anyone to be taking that bed. Normally it's empty," she said. She lowered her voice. "Not to mention Lily's got me a bit on edge," she whispered, offering her hand. Full voice again -"I'm Gwendolyn Hunter – everyone calls me Gwen."

I took her hand in mine and shook, and she continued.

"And I'm sorry about Lily. She's kinda like that."

"Anal?" I smiled.

Gwen just smiled and nodded, and Lily let out an outburst. "I'm not anal! I was just being caring!"

"Caring?" Gwen said, giggling. "You need to recheck your definition of 'caring'."

Lily _humphed_, and returned to her History of Magic research. Gwen continued in her place.

"So you complete our dormitory. There's you and me and Lily, and the other two beds belong to Ronnie Harrow-" she pointed to the bed next to mine, "and Jeanne Prewett," she pointed to the bed between hers and Lily's. "They're still in the library picking up the books that Lily and I couldn't carry."

"For History of Magic homework? First year?" I asked skeptically. "Really?"

Gwen rolled her eyes and nodded. "Anal," she whispered to me while motioning over her shoulder to Lily.

"I saw that!" Lily scowled, while Gwen and I dissolved into giggles.

The rest of the day went more smoothly with fewer tears. I shuffled through my things in my trunk while Lily and Gwen looked through the books they had picked up from the library. Soon two other girls arrived, dumping another load of books each onto Lily's bed. Ronnie, cheerful and blonde, was extremely kind and offered me several different kinds of baked goods when Lily let it slip that they had found me crying. Jeanne was more standoffish and shy, a thin brunette with wide eyes and a rare smile.

We spent the evening in casual conversation. The expected questions about my arrival to Hogwarts arose, and I pleaded amnesia to everything about the crash.

"Okay, okay, okay," Ronnie finally gave in. "Well, at least tell us where you're from. Your family, you know?"

This was what I wasn't ready for. I couldn't say I didn't know my family, if I knew enough about spells that I was already half caught up to the first year curriculum. Luckily, Lily discovered her History of Magic answer at that precise moment, and the attention was diverted into making fun of her for studying so late into the evening.

We finally left the bedroom to go down to dinner. Half-way across the common room, I heard my name called from the corner.

"Brendi, no!" James cried, jumping up from his chair. "No, you can't! Not with them. No!"

I cocked my head to the side, confused. He continued to stutter the same complaints before Gwen interrupted him.

"Spit it out, Potter!"

"You can't be one of them!" he finally spat as Remus and Sirius approached behind him. "I can't tutor you if you're being influenced by these… these… _girls_!"

Remus laid a hand on James' shoulder and steered him toward Sirius, who pulled him away. Remus opened his mouth to apologize, but Gwen cut in.

"It's okay, Lupin. I'm used to him," she said, irritated. She then turned to me as we headed for the portrait exit. "He has to tutor you? No way."

"Yeah. To catch me up, hopefully by Christmas."

All four girls gave me looks of pity as we left the common room. Apparently my first impression of James Potter had been sadly mistaken.


	8. Failed Jokes and Facing James

Chapter 8:

Later that night Remus approached me, looking preoccupied. He went on to tell me that the reaction I had seen on James Potter was a result of the continuous wrath of one Gwendolyn Hunter.

"They've known each other since they were babies. They're both from pure-blood families and were forced to spend most of their childhood together," he concluded, folding his hands in his lap. "You have to excuse him. He was being overdramatic."

I stared at him, still reeling from having my only girl friends accused of being… well… _girls_. Observant, that Potter boy was.

Remus and I had chatted our way up to the common room and were now sitting on a long couch facing each other. James had come in earlier and glared at me as he passed, made worse by the fact that Sirius had waved at us.

"Anyway," he continued, "We've talked and decided who's going to be tutoring you for which class." He sighed then. "Not without trouble, I might add. James refuses to come anywhere near you, but Sirius and I will bring him around. He can't avoid his punishment anyways."

He sat up straight and covered his mouth, like he did that morning while giving me the tour of the castle. "Not that tutoring you is a punishment!"

"It is for him," I grumbled, looking up at the door to the boys sleeping quarters that Sirius and his irritated friend had exited through only a few moments before.

"Yes," he replied, resigned. "Well, he's going to have to face it sooner or later. Now…" he brought a folded up piece of parchment from within his robes and handed it to me. "I've gone ahead and scheduled your tutoring during our off hours between classes. That way you still have your evenings to yourself."

I unfolded and looked down at the parchment – it was another copy of the first-year Gryffindor schedule with Remus' scrawl in between classes and during study hours.

"Defense with Potter, transfiguration with Sirius, charms with you, and potions with… you?"

"Yeah, well, we all decided that Peter really isn't up to snuff with any of his classes except Astronomy, and that class is more memorization than anything else."

"What about History of Magic? Herbology?"

"The same. You have your books, so you can study those on your own time. Ask any of us if you have questions. You can also look to the girls in your dorm – Evan's a wiz at Charms, and Prewett is pretty good at Herbology."

I folded the parchment and tucked it into my robes; I would look at it in more detail later. I still had one more day before my classes officially began, which meant I still had plenty of time to skim through my books.

"Thanks Remus, it means a lot." I said, standing up. I patted the schedule in my pocket. "I didn't expect it to be set up so quickly. I'll know better next time." I smiled at him and then turned and headed for the dorm. I was almost to the staircase when I heard Remus shift and call my name again, this time so softly I almost missed it. Turning back to face him, I took a step toward the couch and found him looking deeply into the fire.

"Go easy on James, okay?" He asked, without tearing his eyes away. "He just has a hot head where Hunter is concerned. Try to understand."

I didn't, but I nodded anyway, and then turned and escaped to my room, where Lily was studying and Ronnie was fast asleep, snoring. I climbed into bed and curled up under the blankets, but my mind would not stop whirling. I would not let James ruin what had become an easy truce between this reality and my own.

I woke up in the morning to a quiet room – the watch on Jeanne's nightstand claimed it was ten o'clock, so I assumed the girls had already gone down to breakfast and started their daily routine. There was rain gently splashing across the window next to my bed, and I propped myself up on my pillows and stared out the window for several minutes, taking in the sound and smell of the rain-soaked stone outside.

Finally I pried myself out of bed, shoving shoes on my feet and a brush through my hair. I grabbed a book from the top of the stack in my trunk (_Standard Book of Spells Grade 1_ by Miranda Goshawk) and left the cozyness of the dormitory for the crowded common room, snatching a couple scones from the tray Ronnie had left out the night before. Several people were warming themselves by the fire and complaining about the rain; I managed to sneak into a corner of the room without too many stares. I wasn't surprised that rumors about me seemed to have spread throughout the castle – several students seemed anxious to berate me with questions, but none ever gathered up the courage to come forward. Not that I would have answered anyway – I still had yet to formulate my background story. Some part of me still believed I wouldn't need it, that I would be going home without ever having to explain myself. Unfortunately, as I began to sift through the material in the spell-book, I found myself more and more transfixed with the magic that was this universe.

Eventually I pulled my wand out and tried a few simple spells on my own. _Lumos… Reparo…_ they all worked after a little trial and error. I was about to attempt _Wingardium Leviosa _when the portrait opened and Sirius came blasting into the common room with James and Remus hot on his heels. They looked positively frightened, huddled in the least populated corner of the common room – right next to me.

"James, what did you _do_!" Remus wailed, his face white. Sirius simply stood there, wiping his forehead on his sleeve, mouth opening and closing like a goldfish. I could hear someone shouting in the corridor outside the common room, and as that someone got closer, the room steadily got more and more quiet until all was silent except for the boy's ragged breathing.

Someone started pounding violently on the portrait, begging to be let in. Being the closest, I was up and moving toward the portrait before I recognized the voice as Peter's. Suddenly a hand came out of nowhere, wrapped around my arm, and pulled me away from the portrait. I looked back to find Sirius shaking his head furiously. Then, a bang and a squeal echoed from outside, followed by several more loud cracks. Someone had raised their voice above the din of spells and Peter's begging pleas.

"Let. That. Teach. You. SCUM!" a male voice screamed. The noise continued for several moments, and I watched James' face as he stared at the portrait. He was scared, no doubt, but there was also relief. His wand was close to his chest, but pointed at the portrait as if he believed the attackers would chase him into the common room next. Then all at once it was quiet again, and the male continued. "You tell your friend Potter that it will be his arse the next time I see him. Understood?"

Peter must have understood (or looked to pitiful to play with anymore) because the raucous laughter of his tormenters died away and Peter's knocking on the portrait door returned again. This time Remus went to open the portrait for the poor boy, who came through with a massively swelled nose and a strip of hair missing from the left side of his head. His hands and face were bleeding profusely, and Remus took a moment to glare at James before he rushed Peter back out again, presumably to the hospital wing.

James began to laugh nervously as he took the chair I had occupied a moment before. Sirius still had his hand on my arm, and I shrugged it off and leaned against the table where my spell book and wand lay forgotten. Sirius found a semi-comfortable spot on the floor next to me and then looked up and glared at James.

"What did you do?" he asked quietly. I was certainly feeling uncomfortable by the stares I was receiving from all over the room. No one had returned to what they were doing – all eyes were trained on one of the three of us. James had yet to speak.

"Damnit James, what did you _do_?" Sirius bellowed, slamming his hand on the ground and clambering back to his feet. James had his eyes trained hard on his shoes and was still engrossed in very nervous laughter. Finally he looked up at Sirius.

"I… uh… well technically I didn't… hmm…" At this point he lifted his hand up to his forehead. "I may have bribed a Hufflepuff to make a Slytherin potion explode during class."

I stared at him, trying to make it obvious I didn't believe that Peter had been that thoroughly punished for a simple exploding potion. Sirius must have had the same look because James looked back at his shoes and continued.

"I didn't know… well… the potion may or may not have been a failed boil-cure."

"James…" Sirius whispered, disbelieving.

"It kinda… well it kinda caused boils on any skin it touched. Unfortunately, most of that skin was Slytherin…"

I lifted my hands up to my face. I suppose I was hoping their famed pranking hadn't started yet, but I already was developing a habit of having bad first impressions. James noticed my disappointment and retaliated.

"What, you think you're any better?" He exploded, standing up and pointing his finger in my face. "Well you're not! You're not! Who saved your arse while you were bloody dying out on the grounds? Huh? I did. I DID! And then you go ahead and betray us to… to the ENEMY! How could you! What I did is noth-"

He was abruptly cut off by a fist to the stomach. As Sirius backed away, James crumpled to the ground, hands around his gut. It was then that I noticed the silence that still permeated the common room – everyone had stopped to watch the show. I diverted my attention back to Sirius, who was standing over James' groaning form. He squatted down next to his friend.

"Apologize." Sirius growled. James shook his head, and Sirius went on. "Damnit James. When will you cut this crap out? You just had Peter take your beating for you, and now you blame this whole thing on a girl. Well, alright then. You can bloody well go fix this one on your own, unless you apologize…. Now, James. _Apologize_."

James looked up at me, clutching his stomach and whispered a non-committal "I'm sorry" before looking away, embarrassed. He began to get up, but when Sirius offered him a hand, he swatted it way. He got to his feet, looked back at Sirius and I, and then looked down at his shoes again, ashamed. He turned his back to us and made his way up the dormitory stairs on his own. Sirius followed a moment later after a quick nod and apologetic shrug in my direction.

I suddenly felt like an ant under a microscope – everyone in the common room was staring at me. Quickly, I grabbed my things and headed for the portrait door. If there was one place I knew how to get to in Hogwarts, it was the Hospital Wing, and I was sure Remus would be there.


	9. Hospital Wing and Hogsmeade

Chapter 9:

Sure enough, Remus was standing alone at the end of a bed near the entrance to the Hospital Wing. Madam Pomfrey was busy fussing over Peter's nose, which had been shrunk back to its normal size. It was, however, still broken, but with a flick o the wand and a disgusting snap it was fixed and Peter was left to wrinkle and rub it gingerly. I approached Rums as the last bit of blood was being removed from Peter's face and hands. Peter looked fine, but Remus? Oh, he was definitely furious. I said nothing, afraid of attracting a similar outburst to the one just displayed by James. I should have known better – it was Remus who began the conversation.

"Peter is always the slowest," he finally muttered. "The least James could have done was stood there and taken what was coming to him." At that, he finally looked at me. "What did he do, anyway?"

"Had a Hufflepuff explode a potion," I replied. He gave me the look I had given James back in the common room – he knew that wasn't the whole story. "It was a boil-cure gone bad," I sighed, shaking my head and looking back to Peter.

"Oh, sweet Merlin."

He buried his face in his left hand, propping himself up on Peter's bed with his right. I almost told him then to prepare to have that reaction many times if he continued his friendship with James and Sirius.

"Of all the stupid things," he continued, shaking his head. He started to laugh softly, more it seemed for himself than at his friend's predicament.

"That's not all he did," a voice from behind me growled. Both Remus and I started and spun around to find Sirius looking sullen with his hands stuffed deep in his robes and his shoulders back. He looked rather defeated, but his eyes showed the fire I had missed at breakfast the first day. One shoulder shrugged toward me. "He bloody blamed her for the whole thing. Said that if she hadn't 'betrayed us to the enemy' he wouldn't have felt inclined to do it."

I felt my face going red. I really did not want to be a part of this conversation. I instead reached for a set of potions Madam Pomfrey was returning for and helped her carry them to the storage cabinet at the end of the room. When I returned, Sirius and Remus were deep in hushed conversation, and Peter was standing nearby looking nervous and awkward. I motioned for him to leave with me.

"This isn't the first time, you know," Peter said quietly after we had left the Hospital Wing. "Third time, in fact. I guess I just need to be a little bit faster next time."

"No," I corrected him. "James needs to be nicer. You shouldn't let him push you around." I almost stopped dead in my tracks then. Here I was sowing the seeds of Peter's betrayal and James' death. How could I take that back without sounding completely uncaring and arrogant?

"You're wrong. James and Sirius let me be their friend. Even Remus says he doesn't mind being around me. I don't mind this if it means I'm still their friend."

I breathed a sigh of relief.

"You're a really loyal friend, Peter."

I only hoped he would stay that way for a very very long time.

Dinner was awkward that night. My sitting with the girls only seemed to infuriate James even more, but from what I gathered from the unusual silence around the boys, both Remus and Sirius had refused to talk to James until he fully apologized to both Peter and me. So, as expected, I was halfway up the stairs on the fifth floor after dinner when James came up from behind me. I motioned for the girls to go ahead while I talked to him.

"Look," he said quietly as we walked. "I'm sorry for saying that stuff I said. I know that you live with Gwen and have to get along with her to stay sane so… I'm sorry". It was a very robotic apology – he had definitely been coached by Remus. But it was enough for me.

"I accept."

He looked rather confused and paused for a moment.

"Your apology? I accept it." I continued.

"Oh." he said, chuckling nervously. He reached up a hand to ruffle through his hair, and I couldn't help but smile.

"Alright, well… see you later?"

"Right. See you," he nodded.

He fell back to join his little posse as I caught Remus' eye. He gave me a side smile, and I nodded in return. It had been enough to restore the bond I shared with the boys – they had saved my life, after all. I jogged to catch up with the girls, who almost instantaneously broke out into questions (or, in Gwen's case, jeers and insults) about the encounter.

"Honestly, you lot, lay off." I said, walking ahead of them. I reached the portrait behind some fourth years and hurried in after them, leaving the girls to follow me up the stairs to the dormitory. They tried asking again, but I just crawled into bed silently and pulled the curtains closed around me. I knew the problem wasn't over.

My brain mulled over the day's events while the other girls laughed and chatted. I caught a couple of scoffs from Gwen, who had turned her attention to me instead of James, and pulled the covers even tighter up to my chin. I knew, very soon, that my loyalties would be tested.

The next week came and went in a blur. I had classes every day, and every day the professors would call me in after the lecture to make sure I was catching up properly. I was, of course. With the help of Remus, Sirius, and James (who had finally come to his senses and apologized to Peter as well), I was flying through the coursework.

"Very nice. Very nice!" Remus exclaimed one evening, as he watched me levitate a spare bit of parchment. We had taken up quarters in an empty classroom near the Gryffindor common room. "It's almost strange how you take to certain spells but not others…" He simply shook his head. "No matter. It's almost time for Charms. You can show off your levitation abilities when Professor Flitwick calls you in after the lecture."

I reached for my schoolbag and followed Remus out the door. We headed down to Charms, chatting about the session.

"It just seems odd to me that you had the swish-and-flick of _wingardium leviosa_ down the first time you tried it, but you couldn't simply point your wand to direct water using _aquarego_."

I grinned at him, but I really wished he would drop the subject. I only knew how to swish-and-flick because like all good Harry Potter fans, I had found a stick in the backyard and practiced in my bathroom mirror several times, imagining that fated feather floating up high above my head.

"Maybe I'm just lucky?" I supposed. That satisfied Remus until we got to class. We would soon see if it would satisfy Flitwick as well.

Before I knew it, the weekend had come and I was shaken awake by Lily.

"There's someone downstairs to see you." she said, throwing clothes at me. "He said to grab your money as well." I hopped out of bed and pulled on the skirt and top Lily had so elegantly chucked at me, then made my way down to the common room, purse in hand. A boy was waiting there, and when he saw me, he motioned for me to hurry on my way down.

"I'm here to escort you to Hogsmeade," he said matter-of-factly. He rather reminded me of my first impression of Percy Weasley, and sure enough, a prefect's badge was pinned to the front of his robes. "Professor McGonagall seems to believe there is something there that you need."

I nodded. I completely forgot that McGonagall had arranged for the Hogsmeade trip. I ran back to the staircase and yelled to Lily to bring my cloak and gloves down, and soon the cloak, gloves, and I were accompanying the prefect past the statues of the winged boars that guarded the gate between Hogwarts and Hogsmeade. There was no words exchanged the whole trip, only a couple of coughs from the prefect when I found myself too distracted by my surroundings to move as quickly as he would have liked. He must have found the scenery boring having seen it for two years or more, but the black lake was still and the forbidden forest a mass of black and green. _What I would trade for a camera…_

Hogsmeade lay in the flatlands below the castle's cliffs, a town of shops and inns and many, many people. The whole town was bustling with business. My eyes were drawn immediately to the Cleansweep ("The Fastest Broom in the World") lit beautifully in the window of a nearby store. And there was Honeydukes, and the Three Broomsticks. Oh, what a wonderful world I had stepped into.

The prefect coughed again from behind me. I suppose I would have been irritated too, if I had to escort a very overwhelmed looking eleven-year-old through the streets of Hogsmeade. Embarrassed, I pulled my cloak closer over my shoulders and headed for Gladrags Wizardwear, to purchase clothing other than just the robes Dumbledore had given me. Another cloak, two sweaters, and a Holyhead Harpies shirt later, we emerged from Gladrags and I beelined for Armisti's Animalia – its storefront boasting several owls and quite an assortment of reptiles.

I let the shop door slam behind me, thinking that the prefect would follow me inside, but he remained outside instead, chatting with a passersby. He slipped the man a knut and took the paper the man offered. He looked inside the window at me, frowned, and then turned back and opened up the paper. I took that to mean I was allowed to continue, so I let my eyes wander around the store. Soon a lady approached the back of the counter. She produced a sickly sweet smile and smelled strongly of lavender.

"What can I do for you, child?" she asked me. I frowned at her; I was not a child.

"I wish to purchase an owl. Something sturdy but with a good temperament."

Her own temperament changed in an instant – she pursed her lips and reached under the counter, pulling out a large book a moment later.

"Do you have any specific species in mind?"

"No, just something that won't bite."

"Alright then." She flipped through several pages of the book before running a long finger down one of the pages. "I would recommend a barn, brown, snowy, or… tawny. Definitely not a great horned or screech if you're looking for a nicer owl." Shutting the book in a cloud of dust, she replaced it and came through a panel in the counter to reach the opposite side of the small store. "One of these?"

None of them specifically caught my attention… except for one. In the far back of the store, a single tawny owl sat in its cage silently. I approached the small cage and then squatted down to look more closely. He was beautiful, with a single white mark between his big round eyes. He opened his wings and paced around the cage, likely showing off.

"I'll take him." I said to the shop owner, taking the cage off the shelf.

"Done."

I paid the shop owner and left, glad to be out of the presence of such a strange woman. The prefect closed his paper and threw it on the closest bench as I approached.

"Have everything yet?" I was betting he was regretting becoming a prefect right about now.

"Yep. All done." The owl hooted in response, then hid his head under his wing contently.

It took no time at all to return to Hogwarts. The prefect definitely was done being in the snow and cold, and I was starting to feel my fingers numb as we raced up the steps and through the clock-tower courtyard. The prefect left for the Great Hall as I made my way back up to the common room and dormitories, all my bundles in hand. By the time we had returned, only Jeanne was in the dormitory, and although she looked at me strangely with an owl cage in my hands, she didn't question or comment. I set the cage down on the nightstand and took a seat on my bed. For a few moments the owl and I shared a stare until I finally broke it by reaching for the cage door. The owl was as content on my arm as he was in his cage, and I was beginning to feel overwhelmed by the fact I had an owl. A real owl.

"What are you going to name him?" Ronnie came in from the bathroom and was watching me stroke the bird's feathers.

"Socrates, I think." I said, remembering my political science teacher from back home. Socrates had been his favorite philosopher, and that interest had been passed to me. "Socks, for short." The owl hooted his consent again, and with a nod of my head, I stood up and opened the nearest window.

"Alright, Socks. I'll come for you in the owlery when I need you." With that, Socks opened his wings and took off into the afternoon sky, gliding around to the west before flapping his wings out of sight.

I had an owl.


	10. Owls and Outcasts

Chapter 10:

It was only after I had visited Socrates in the owlery that I realized the pointlessness of having an owl – it wasn't as if I had any family to send letters home to, or any friends to write me. But I couldn't get the image of Harry and Hedwig out of my head – the one from the first movie, when he lets her take flight amid all the lovely Hogwarts snow? I could have that moment. I had visited Socks' almost every morning before breakfast. He was really the only family I had here now, and talking to him really helped. One morning I had woken up extra early, so I made the trek a little sooner than usual. I reached out to lay my hand on Socks' head. He pushed up against my palm and gave me what I liked to believe was a little owl-smile. I offered the tawny bird my arm, and we moved together over to the window that overlooked one of the courtyards.

"And it's not as if Harry really had anyone to write while he was here either. The only person he ever wrote while at Hogwarts was Sirius."

"Excuse me?"

I spun around, knocking Socks off balance. He squawked and spread his wings in indignation before taking off to the rafters. I frowned, clutching my arm where his claws had gently raked my skin, then turned back to Sirius. He was holding a rolled piece of parchment and had one hand on the top of the stair railing. He looked slightly embarrassed that he had caused me to startle.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you. I just thought I heard my name." he said, approaching a group of owls on the north side of the owlery.

"Oh, no." I said quickly, my eyes scanning his face. "I was saying something was 'serious'." He laughed, and I continued. I could feel the temperature rising in my cheeks. "I imagine you get that a lot…"

He nodded. "I normally don't talk to my owl though." Chuckling, he tied his piece of parchment to a dark black owl, then carried the bird to the window and allowed it to take off. Finally he turned back to me. "How's your arm?"

"Fine, I think," I replied. I removed my hand and found that Socks had only barely broken the skin. It wasn't bleeding. "Just a couple scratches." I brushed my fingers over the broken skin before looking up to the rafters. Socks wasn't anywhere within eyesight. I would apologize later. Instead I walked to the window across the room from Sirius.

_That was way too close._ If I started saying things like that carelessly someone was bound to start having suspicions. _Best not to say anything at all about… anything, I guess, if it means they find out_.

"Well, are you coming?" Sirius asked, breaking the silence. I looked back at him and nodded with a smile. I glanced back to the courtyard one more time and saw Sirius' black owl circle one of the far towers before heading south and disappearing from view. I tore myself away from the window and followed Sirius down the stairs.

_Best not to say anything at all._

The common room was still quiet when we climbed in through the portrait. It was still too early for most people to be up, but I wasn't about to go back to bed. Remus had left last night, using the excuse that his mum was ill. I was truly concerned for Remus, but I had acted concerned for his mum with the rest of the group and had handed him a wrapped package with a couple of Ronnie's scones for the "trip home".

Now James was curled up with a mug of some steaming liquid in one corner, and a couple fourth years were flipping through the latest Daily Prophet near the fire. Sirius headed over to James and took the chair immediately to his left. I lounged across the chair opposite James and stared up at the ceiling, remembering Remus' look of gratitude for the scones. _I only wish he didn't have to hide it_, I thought. _No matter. Things will turn out how they turn out. Hopefully. If I don't totally screw this up._

"Brendi?" I looked over at James, who had put his mug down. He was frowning slightly. "Do you mind… uh… leaving us for a bit?" Sirius started to say something, but I cut him off.

"Uh, sure. No problem." I swung my legs over so my feet were on the floor and stood to leave, but Sirius motioned for me to stay.

"Come on, mate. You know she won't say anything." Sirius was talking to James in a whisper. James looked pretty adamant that I leave. "James…" Sirius growled. James finally nodded, but not without rolling his eyes and bringing the mug back up to his mouth. Sirius looked up at me and motioned for me to sit. I sat back down in the chair, thoroughly confused. James slowly put his mug down again and curled up in the chair.

"Sirius, I really don't think –" he started. Sirius threw his hands up in disbelief and then looked at me.

"Look, Brendi," he said in a very low voice. "Just… promise you won't say anything to anybody about this. Peter, Remus, … Lily… no one."

I scrunched up my eyebrows, still confused, but I nodded and Sirius glanced back at James and then sat forward in his chair to grab James' mug and drain whatever was left. James made an irritated noise, glared at me, and then leaned forward. I took this as a clue to lean in as well. Sirius spoke first, to me.

"You've noticed Remus leaves a lot, right?" I nodded yet again. _They're figuring it out..._

"Yeah, that's twice now. His mom gets sick a lot, doesn't she?" I asked innocently, and then chuckled. "It's not like it's a big secret, I don't understand all the hush-hush."

"It's not just twice. He's left four times since we got to school. First it was his grandmother, now his mom." Then James cut in.

"So either his whole family is dying or something else is going on." He had this gaze in his eye like he had been given a challenge. "You don't go home unless it's serious, and that many people don't get sick that often. I'd put a sickle on it that he's hiding something else."

I just shook my head. _It's not as exciting as you think, James_.

"I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation. I don't understand why you're swearing me to secrecy over someone's mum being sick." I stood up and took a couple steps toward the dormitories, but I turned back. I was getting more and more frustrated at James' desire to 'win' this challenge. "And if he is lying to you, I'm sure he has a good reason."

James just shook his head and then grinned wildly and looked back at Sirius, ready to share his new theory. Sirius looked up at me. A fleeting look on his face said _I'm sorry_, but as soon as it came, it was gone, ready to conspire with James again.

_This isn't something you can win, James. I'm sorry._

Remus returned to class the following Monday. We all asked about his mother, and if she was in good health. He smiled and said she was fine, that she was faring better now that he had seen her. Most people let it drop at that. Mid-year finals were in only a few days and everyone was much more preoccupied with their tests. Luckily my extra lessons had paid off, many thanks to Remus – I was doing exceedingly well in Charms and Transfiguration. Potions was still not looking good, but Remus had told me he was still willing to help. I put on a smile just for him but I wasn't the only one who noticed the latest cut on the back of his head.

"Bloody hell!" James said Tuesday afternoon in the common room. "You fall or something Lupin?" He began prodding the wound and Remus raised his hand protectively.

"If you don't mind, James…"

"You get that when you were at home with mum?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact."

"What did you do?"

"I fell."

"Fell how?"

Sirius finally cut in. "James. Mate. Really. Let'm be." James made this irritated face at Sirius and then sat down in a huff on the couch beside me. I looked at him with raised eyebrows, but he didn't seem to want to talk about it. Instead he reached for his Charms book and pulled out his wand.

I heard a few pages turn, then a rustle of fabric, and finally a whisper. Then something exploded.

Well, some_one_ exploded.

"JAMES POTTER!", Gwen screamed. I snapped my head up and saw what had Gwen so upset. The ink she had just been using to write her final potions essay had risen up off the desk and turned itself over – all over her essay and her newest white blouse.

"Oh come on Hunter, I'm practicing."

"You're practicing? You're PRACTICING? Son-of-a-"

By this time, Gwen had found her wand and had it pointed at James. "Acricio!"

I barely avoided an orange jet of magic by diving into the pillow to my right. James, however, managed to get hit full on. I imagined that was probably the intention, but James immediately started yelling in pain. He dropped his wand as he tried to scratch at his chest.

"Gettit ooooofffff!" he yelled, now clawing at his buttons. Lily started laughing and packing up her things, while Gwen sat grinning cruelly for a moment before packing her things as well. Sirius and Peter were staring stupidly at James, who was furiously unbuttoning the shirt under his robes, while Remus had already gone back to studying.

James was now scratching at his open chest, which bore no marks except for the ones he was quickly making.

"Oh someone stop him, will you?" Remus finally said. He had put down his book and reached for his wand. "He's going to scratch his skin off." Sirius looked dumbly at Remus and then gathered his wits and rushed to James, grabbing his hands.

"Finite Incantatem" Remus said calmly. No light came from his wand, but James suddenly keeled over, breathing heavily. Sirius let go of his hands, but James didn't move.

"Stinging Hex." Sirius finally said. "Nasty bit of work, but really shouldn't have lasted that long."

"She must have really meant it." I added, finally shutting my book. I stood up and brushed off my robes. "Not like he didn't deserve it."

James shot up like a rocket. "Don't you start with me, Miss Perfect." he said quietly, glaring at me. The tone in his voice was scary. "Don't think you can play both sides of the field. I know you think you're just _great mates_ with all of us, but you don't know anything."

"James –" Remus tried. James continued anyway, his pitch rising.

"You can't just think that you're friends with everyone. You can't be friends with us _and_ them!" He pointed up to the dormitory. I didn't say anything. I couldn't. I was completely shocked. James took the silence as prerogative to continue. "You think you have Lupin and Black right under your finger, but I'm not blind. You can't be on both sides. You can't be friends with them if you're friends with us. In fact, I don't even know if you _are _friends with us. We only put up with you because it was a load of detentions otherwise. You think we wanted to give you lessons all bloody term? You're a right pain in the arse, you know! Just assuming you know everything about everybody. Well now that your lessons are over, you can just go back to your pretty little girlfriends and leave us the hell alone!"

I was clutching my Potions book so hard that my knuckles were white. I could feel tears rising to my eyes, and I was shaking. James was the only person I could see, and he was just standing there with his back to me, having turned around after his rant. The common room was dead quiet. Before I completely broke down, I turned and ran up the stairs to the girl's dormitory. I heard Peter and Remus call my name but I didn't stop running until I reached the first year dorm. I climbed into bed, robes and all and cried myself to sleep.


	11. Chocolate and Challenges

Chapter 11:

I didn't get up for dinner that night. When I did get up, it was only to wash my face off. Everyone knew that I had been crying, but it helped that I didn't look too much like it. I leaned on the sink and looked in the mirror.

_I'm so sorry James. I didn't know. I still don't understand, but…._

I went back to bed after that. Ronnie lay on my bed with me for a while, but Lily and Gwen said nothing. I didn't doubt that they shared similar sentiments with James, after I had stayed behind when they left. When Ronnie finally left, I did see Lily give me a glance of sympathy, but she was deep in conversation with Gwen, so she didn't have much time for pity. I simply turned over and tried again for sleep.

The next morning met me with heavy silence in the dormitories. Gwen had apparently gotten to Ronnie as well, because even though she snuck me a couple of cookies, she hurried to get ready so she could walk down to breakfast with the rest of the girls. I stayed behind, reluctant to even leave the dorms. I ended up skipping breakfast entirely and walking straight to Transfiguration. I was the first one in the classroom, and I chose a seat off to the side. I pulled out one of Ronnie's cookies and had just started taking a bite when a few more students trickled in, McGonagall with them. The rest of the Gryffindors came in a moment later, all of them unhappy. I accidentally caught Remus' eye but he turned away quickly.

_Remus too…_

I think that was the last straw. I think something broke inside me when I saw Remus turn from me. I thought he was the one person I could trust to be there for me. Peter was the only one who even bothered to acknowledge my existence that day, and it was only to squeak a quick "hello" before being dragged off by Sirius.

For the rest of the week, I debated whether I was avoiding them, or they were avoiding me. We only ever ended up in the same room when we had classes together. Any free time I had I spent anywhere _but_ the Common Room. I finally retreated to the kitchens – they were one place that I knew the boys hadn't discovered yet. They would eventually, yes, but for now I relied on my 'extra' knowledge to let me escape into chocolate parfaits.

Each night I had to return to the dormitory. It became a ritual after a few nights – I would get there late, leave early. I avoided contact from anyone. Ronnie tried to reach out once, but I shut her down before I could stop myself. When I went to apologize, she smiled sadly, patted me on the shoulder, and returned to following Gwen.

Term exams came and went. Although the kitchens had turned out to be an excellent study space, the lack of a good night's sleep made taking the tests difficult. Once my final exam (Herbology) was over, I trudged back to the kitchens again. One of the house elves had already put out a chocolate parfait for me. I pushed it away and put my head down on the counter.

"Miss is not hungry?" One of the house elves squeaked from in front of me.

"No. The parfaits are delicious, but not today."

"A treacle tart then? Perhaps a candied apple for the Miss?" said another.

"No, thank you." I whispered softly before burying my head in my arms again. The one who spoke first hurried away, but the second one stayed a moment longer. I looked up at her and she spoke.

"Well if the Miss needs anything Miss will tell Grumble?"

"Of course, Grumble. Thank you." I watched her hop off the counter and return to her busy work at the stove. I smiled to myself. It was nice to know someone cared, even if it was a house-elf.

When I returned to the dorm that night, I was surprised to find that no one had yet gone to bed. Ronnie and Gwen were packing their trunks. Jeanne was in the bathroom, cleaning up, and Lily was reading calmly on her bed, her things already packed away.

"Oh, good, you're here." Ronnie said, running up to me. "Did you happen to see my good quill? I can't find it anywhere!" I was so shocked that someone was actually talking to me that I didn't respond for a moment. "Well?" she asked.

"Uh… no." I finally managed to say. She turned around in a huff and began pulling things out of her trunk again. I stood in the doorway for a moment longer and then shuffled over to my four-poster and threw my bookbag on top of my trunk.

Lily looked up from her book. "You're not packing?"

"Uh, no. I'm not going home for the Holidays."

"Oh, why not?" _Because I don't have anyone to go back to. Or rather, I don't know how to go back to them._

Gwen cut in. "Her family prolly doesn't want her back."

I froze, and Lily leapt out of bed. "That was uncalled for!" Lily argued. "No need to be nasty to Brendi just because you're spending the holidays with the Potters."

"Oh, don't take her side Lily. You know she's been with the boys this whole week."

"You even know that's not true!" Ronnie finally snapped. "You and I both heard James arguing with Peter about apologizing to her!"

"Oh you too then!" Gwen snarled. "Next Jeanne will be telling me I'm up for villain of the year!"

"Leave me out of this." Jeanne said as she crossed from the bathroom to her bed. She quickly closed the curtains and fell silent.

"Oh well fine then, little miss spineless. Don't even take a side! And _you_!" Gwen turned on me. "You have some gall coming back here and talking to us after you took his side in the Ink Incident."

I had heard enough. During her last little spiel I had walked around my bed and stood in front of her.

"Look, Hunter, I was standing up for you when James blew up at me last week. He did all but call me a traitor because I'm _always_ taking your side. So if you think I'm gonna stand here for one more minute listening to you turning on Lily or Ronnie or Jeanne, you have another thing coming. If you're gonna be mad at someone, be mad at me.

"Yeah, I maybe I tried to be friends with Remus or Peter or, Merlin forbid, James Potter. That's my choice. And you can just deal. But thanks to me trying to be _your_ friend, I lost _all_ of them. _All _of them, Gwen."

By this point I was sobbing, and Ronnie had come over and was holding my arm. I didn't even have the thought to shake her off.

"So don't even _try_ to say that I abandoned you for the boys. I haven't spoken to _anyone_ since your stupid 'Ink Incident'. If it means that I don't talk to you again, at least you know whose fault that is. Yours. Yours, not mine."

Gwen was shocked into silence. When she finally moved, she copied Jeanne and crawled into bed, curtains drawn. Her trunk was still only half-packed.

I let out a breath that I had been holding and then fell into Ronnie's open arms. She led me back to my bed and, with Lily's help, tucked me in. This time it was Lily who sat with me in silence. She kept handing me tissues until finally it was late enough that she had to get herself to bed.

"I'm sorry," she whispered into the darkness. I nodded and clasped her hand to let her know that I had heard her, and then she slipped away.

I slept well that night.

I didn't wake up until mid-morning. By the time I was dressed, everyone was already down at breakfast. I joined them for the first day in a week. Gwen was missing, and I wasn't surprised. Jeanne was quietly munching on toast next to Lily. I sat down next to Ronnie and was immediately ambushed by a hug. I started laughing and Ronnie joined in and slowly Lily joined us. It was good to be back with friends.

I ate quickly because the girls were almost done, and we started back to the dormitories together. The boys were coming out of the portrait hole as we were entering it. Remus and Peter looked pained to see me, Sirius was slightly shocked but said nothing, and James simply glared. We all immediately sobered. Ronnie grabbed my hand as I stiffened. With a final glare at the other girls, James stalked off toward the Great Hall but the other boys hesitated. Remus opened his mouth to say something, but at that moment James called for them, and they went scurrying back to him.

I let out the breath that I had been keeping. Lily just scoffed and Ronnie tightened her grip on my hand and led me the rest of the way into the dormitory.

I knew that I had chosen my loyalties, but I was still unsure if they were the right ones.


	12. Forgiveness and Families

Everyone left that day after breakfast. I didn't see Gwen again, but her things were gone before returned. I was glad, actually – I didn't know if I could handle another confrontation. Lily and Ronnie hugged me several times and promised to write over the short break. They also had apologized constantly since we had left breakfast – they used a variety of excuses that all generally boiled down to Gwen convincing them that I was on the boys' side, whatever that was. They still didn't know that I had spent every possible hour of the past week in the kitchens, and I didn't plan on telling them.

Soon the dormitories filtered out, and I was left alone in our room. After seeing Jeanne off, I finally moved down into the Common Room in front of the fire. There was a comfy tall-backed chair that faced a window, and I found comfort in the warm flicker of the fire and the gently falling snow outside – the Charms book I had brought down to read lay forgotten on the floor next to the chair. I was so focused on these that I nearly jumped out of my skin when someone coughed behind me.

Looking over the back of the chair I came face-to-face with Sirius. He looked rather… awkward… standing there with his trunk and owl and staring down at the floor.

"I… uh…" he finally managed to stutter. "I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye." I fell silent for a moment and looked away.

"James is gone, you know. He left right after breakfast," he continued. "I suppose he'd rather be down at Hogsmeade than stuck up here in the castle." I eventually turned around and flopped back into the chair, pulling my knees up to my chest. He left his owl and trunk and came to stand beside the chair. I really did want to talk to him, but I felt tears welling up in my eyes again, and I didn't want him to see me cry. He stood there stiffly for a few moments – at one point he looked like he wanted to lay a hand on my shoulder, but he didn't.

"We really did miss you, you know," he said softly as he moved instead to sit in the chair across from me. "I liked helping you catch up in studies. I really wish James hadn't…"

"Been such an insufferable prick?"

"Yeah." He chuckled softly as he looked down at his hands. It was another few moments before he spoke again. "We've been trying to get him to apologize, but he's insisting that you made your decision as soon as you ran back to the girls after what happened with the ink."

"But I didn't!" I burst out. He sat back quickly in his chair. "I didn't run back to them. They didn't talk to me until last night! I hadn't spoken to anyone until then!" At this point I was in tears. "At least Lily and Ronnie had the sense to realize that Gwen was being a right pain-in-the-arse and stood up for themselves!"

I quickly looked back into the fire. Several moments past.

"I hadn't realized…" Sirius said under his breath. "James kept saying that you had chosen your side and then we saw you with them this morning and…"

"He was wrong." I said, wiping my cheeks with the sleeve of my robe.

"I'm sorry."

It was nice to actually hear him say it but I didn't look back at him. I had stopped sobbing but there were tears still making their way down my cheeks.

"Remus and Peter are sorry too. It was actually Peter who wanted to talk to you but Remus and I knew that James would crucify him if he did it…"

"So you figured that James would let you off easier for talking to the traitor then?" I snapped, using the same dangerous tone James had used only a scant week ago. Standing up, I walked over to the window and leaned against the frame. The snow had yet to stop.

"That's not how it is at all," he replied. "It's just that James picks on Peter every chance he gets, and Remus and I don't want to see that happen. This week has been hard on all of us."

He came to stand behind me. "I know James had no right to say what he did. Remus and Peter and I were your friends. We _are_ your friends. And we know that you have to put up with the girls too. Can you at least forgive the three of us for being spineless little prats?"

I didn't reply, so he laid a hand on my shoulder. I looked back at him and nodded. How could I refuse such a sincere apology? He smiled widely and let out a bark-like laugh. "Wait till Remus hears that! You'll have made his whole holiday! Peter's too!" He punched my shoulder lightly and I smiled through the tears. At that moment, the portrait door opened and McGonagall entered, obviously flustered.

"Mr. Black, you were supposed to be at the train station twenty minutes ago! If you are not down there in precisely ten minutes I will be forced to instruct the conductors to leave without you."

"Wouldn't that be a shame…" Sirius muttered under his breath, his smile immediately replaced. He turned to me. "Are you coming with?"

"Naw, I'm not going home for the holiday." I replied. Then, following a sudden urge, I wrapped my arms around Sirius' neck in a tight hug. "Promise to write?"

"Of course," he said, slightly embarrassed – I chalked it up to being an eleven-year-old boy and let him go. He hesitated getting his things but eventually McGonagall's wary eye saw him out the portrait. He gave me one last sad smile before the portrait closed behind him.

Wiping whatever tears were left off my cheeks with the sleeve of my robes, I picked the Charms book up from the floor next to the chair and opened it to the next chapter we would be studying. I scanned each page but none of the words sunk in. Emotions had separated us before, now we were separated by distance.

But having friends again felt nice.

The next week passed slowly. I spent most of my time flipping through study books trying to get ahead for the next semester. I took to the kitchens again, but this time I sought company instead of avoiding it. The house elves seemed obliged to feed me whatever I fancied – they must have enjoyed catering directly to a student instead of simply providing the daily meals. Whatever the case, I was never without something to snack on if I wanted it.

Christmas morning came quietly – my first quiet Christmas. I rolled out of bed and winced as my bare feet met the cold floor. I quickly pulled on a pair of socks and went to wash my face. As I reentered the room, hair pulled up into a ponytail, I noticed the stack of gifts at the end of my bed.

Smiling, I quickly picked up the present at the top of the pile. Ronnie had, of course, sent an assortment of baked goods and pastries. Picking up a jelly filled pastry, I took a bite and opened the card that had come with it – the card began to sing the instant I opened it up. Scared, I quickly shut it and stared around the room. Remembering I was alone, I lay the card open on the bed – the song began again and, less scared, reached for the next present. Jeanne had sent a simple envelope. A Christmas card fell out of the envelope along with a few black ribbons, each with a different colored accent. The note suggested that Jeanne would teach me to braid ribbons into my hair when we returned – she seemed to think that the red accented ribbon would look especially good.

Laughing to myself as Ronnie's card moved on to a different song, I picked up the next gift. This one was from Peter, and contained only a few Chocolate frogs and some Bertie Bott's every flavor beans. The card simply said "_I'm sorry – Peter_", and then a little farther down "_Oh, and Happy Christmas_".

Remus' gift was similar, but the note was a little more… thorough. He sent a book of a letter explaining what had happened. I skimmed it and then left it on my nightstand, promising myself I would read it later. Lily had sent a beautiful jewelry box containing an even more stunning necklace with a silver and red pendant. Slipping over my head, I let the pendant hang over my pajamas as I reached for the next gift.

I recognized the spidery handwriting immediately and opened the package even more eagerly. I finally pulled back the last of the wrapping paper to reveal the headmaster's gift. It was a very old, very thick book. _An Introduction to_… a word I couldn't even pronounce. Flipping open the cover, I inhaled the smell of parchment and traced the writing with my finger. Although the book must have been ages old, the note on the inside had been added recently.

"_Brendi –_

_I hope you find this book insightful. I don't expect you to understand all its material, but the ingenious wizard whose theories reside within these pages may be the only person who knows how to get you home._

_For now, I am glad to see you're fitting in nicely here._

_Take Care._

_APWBD"_

I exhaled, realizing that I had been holding my breath. The concept that I didn't _really_ belong here hadn't been in the forefront of my mind for some time. My heart had begun to accept this place as my home, but that thought was far from truth. My being here threatened the universes entire existence.

Only then did I realize that I hadn't missed my family in over a month. I had gotten so caught up in the joys of Christmas and the burden of my presence in this world that I hadn't given a thought to my brothers, or my dad. Would they be spending the day alone, hoping that by some Christmas miracle I would walk through the door and back into their lives? Certainly by now Aaron had found someone else to be his girlfriend, to drive him home on rainy nights. The smell of his shampoo rose steadily to the surface of my senses and I took a deep breath. It was almost as if he was still sitting there next to me, smiling over something silly I had done. My heart began to ache, knowing that there was no chance I would see them again, at least anytime soon.

Carefully closing the cover of the text, I knelt next to my trunk, placing the book carefully on the floor next to me. I began to unpack the right hand side of the box, continuing until I could see the bottom. Only then did I pick up the book, wrap it in an unused shirt, and lay it gently at the bottom. Determined, I covered the book with the belongings that I had just removed. I wasn't ready to read that text. Not just yet.

But it was too late – the ecstatic mood of my first Christmas at Hogwarts had been stripped from me. Moving again to the bed, I began to clean up the wrappings of the gifts that my friends had sent. All of the food went under the bed, and the necklace returned to the jewelry box which was gently placed on the night stand.

When I finally turned back to the bed, I noticed a small black box attached to a larger envelope. Curious, I climbed up to sit crosslegged on the bed and then reached for the package. I opened the envelope first, and pulled out two pieces of parchment – one thinner than the other. The thin one was a note.

"_Brendi –_

_I know things have been tough, and you haven't been treated the best. And I'm sorry for that._

_I found this by the Black Lake that week that we weren't talking. I meant to keep it but I realized that you deserve it more. Besides, I don't want have anything that reminds me of how bad we hurt you. I begged my cousin Andromeda until she put a charm on it. Hold it tightly and say my name and the trinket I have here will glow. I'll do the same with mine and yours will glow. That way we both know we still care._

_I'm sorry I haven't written more, but I don't often get a chance. Mum's asleep now, or you wouldn't have even gotten this. I miss you. Happy Christmas._

_-SB"_

I reached over to the small black box and flipped it open. On a thin bed of fabric sat a stone – an ordinarily looking rock by any means except for its very smooth polished surface and a jagged line of black that ran down the center of the stone just under the clear coating. I could see how Sirius would have treasured it – it was rustic but beautiful.

I flipped the stone over onto my palm and then wrapped my fingers over it. "Sirius Black," I said. The stone grew warm and then quickly cooled off. Then nothing happened. _Hmph_ I huffed.

I placed the rock back into the box and reached for the thicker parchment. It was a picture of me and the boys in the library – I was buried in a book, unaware that the picture was being taken, but the boys were smiling brilliantly behind me, preparing to ambush me. Across the bottom, Sirius had scrawled something.

"_Mates Always!"_

I shook my head and laughed before pinning the picture up on my headboard next to my night to the note, I gasped. The stone in the box was glowing brightly. I picked it up and it was warm to the touch. For an instant I was reminded strongly of Sirius' laugh, and then the stone dimmed.

_He really does care_.

Smiling even wider, I put the stone very carefully on my night stand next to the jewelry box and then took to my trunk. I needed to get ready for Christmas brunch, the beginning of a day that was quickly getting much better. Even if I couldn't see my family, perhaps I was gaining a new one here.


	13. Arrivals and Anxieties

After Christmas had come and gone, the weeks passed very slowly. The people who had stayed for Christmas break were not very social, so I spent most of my time by myself – studying in the kitchens while enjoying chocolate parfaits, talking to Socks in the owlry, or curled up on my four-poster with one of Ronnie's pastries and a textbook. One of those mornings about a week after Christmas, I had pulled Remus' long letter out of my trunk and worked my way through it. I didn't know someone could write "I'm sorry" in so many different ways. It was sad though – he went on and on about how badly James had treated them while they had been away from me. Apparently it had taken nothing to set him off again, and he had locked Peter in a broom closet with Ms. Norris just to prove a point. What point that was, Remus wasn't sure, but Peter had come out of the closet shaking and swearing on his poor mother's life that he would never betray James. I scoffed when I read this, but I had seen James' true nature and was honestly getting quite sick of him. As much as it pained me to say it, the three other boys were probably better off without James in their lives. He was a bully and an arrogant prat who didn't care about anyone but himself.

Another letter arrived from Lily that evening. She inquired on my health and well-being, and wanted to make sure I was getting along alright without them. She thanked me for my gift (a green jeweled hairpin) and asked if hers got to me alright. Nothing particularly interesting until the last bit – apparently she hadn't heard from Gwen since the morning they left Hogwarts for break. This was apparently unusual, and she wanted to let me know that things may not be easy for me when everyone returned. I scribbled a quick note back to her and sent it off with Socks. Honestly, Gwen didn't frighten me anymore. All she had were her words, and once I had stripped those from her, she was no longer a threat to my friendships.

Four nights later, the stone Sirius had given me woke me up with its glow. I had kept it on my nightstand next to my pillow, just in case – I reached out for it once it had grown dark again and held it in my palm. "Sirius…" I said allowed, wrapping my fingers around its round edges and clutching it tightly. It glowed a little fainter, but I knew it had worked. The whole event worried me though – I hadn't heard from Sirius since Christmas. The concern was quickly softened by the remembrance that they would all be arriving back in a couple of days. I would speak to Sirius about it soon.

And indeed, the carriages started arriving up to the gate that Saturday evening. I had been in the owlry talking to Socks when I saw black shapes moving quickly up to the front gate. Leaving Socks a couple of extra treats, I hurried down to the Entrance Hall to find students milling about, seeing their friends for the first time in a month. I saw Lily first – her brilliantly red hair stood out easily amidst the sea of black robes. As I hurried toward her I was tackled in a bear hug from Ronnie, whose first order of business was ensuring that I had enjoyed the pastries she had sent. Once I had convinced Ronnie that I had fattened up sufficiently, Lily was already upon us with hugs and smiles. She was telling us about her summer (apparently Petunia had refused to speak to her the entire time) as Jeanne approached.

I waved at Remus when I saw him step into the room – there had been a full moon over the course of the break, but he had been recuperating for a week so he was looking healthy and happy. He waved back before being startled by a very irritated James. They shared some whispered conversation before Remus turned back and gave me an apologetic smile. Then they both made their way out of the room, a newfound Peter quickly on their tails.

"What a bunch of jerks," Lily said from behind me. I glanced over my shoulder and saw that the three other girls had watched the scene play out as well. "Pettigrew is pretty dumb on his own, but I was giving Lupin way too much credit – doesn't he know that Potter couldn't give a newts arse about any of them?" I simply shrugged my shoulders. I knew that Remus and Peter did know what James was capable of, but both of them had labeled themselves outcasts before they even arrived at Hogwarts. They were trying to find a friend wherever they could, even if it meant putting up with James. Sirius would have been normal had he been sorted into Slytherin, but he too was a misfit, determined to seek solace wherever he found it. Speaking of Sirius…

I looked around the Entrance Hall, but I was too short to survey this many people with enough accuracy to find him. And I knew he hadn't left with the other boys, I had watched the three of them exit. I knew he had to be around somewhere... Ah, well, we would probably just meet up in the common room. Joining back in to the conversation with the girls (something about Ronnie's mum), I let the worry slide away just as a sallow faced boy stepped up behind Lily. He was dressed in his Hogwarts robes, but they looked dirty and worn. His longish dark black hair covered most of his face, but I could see there was a bruise healing under his right eye. Everything about him seemed… black. Dreary.

"Can I have a moment?", the boy murmured to Lily as he grabbed her wrist and tried to pull her away. She allowed herself to be pulled a fair distance before putting her feet down, and with a glance the other two girls and I pretended to be talking while we were trying to eavesdrop.

"What's going on?" she said in an undertone.

"I didn't see you all of break," he replied. "I waited in the park every day but you never showed."

"Oh, Sev, my parents took me away for the holiday. The only days I was home I was preparing for the celebrations." At this point Lily pulled her hand away – he had been holding it. "I didn't know you would be waiting… I just assumed that you had your own celebrations."

"Oh," the boy said tersely. "Well, then, uh… I'll see you around then." And with that he pulled himself inward, turned around, and headed toward a group of laughing Slytherins.

"Sev, I'm sorry!" Lily called after him, her face slightly pink. When he didn't respond she turned back toward us and rejoined our circle.

"Who was that?" Jeanne asked quietly, glaring over at the Slytherin group who had welcomed the boy in with open arms. The hall was clearing out so we moved with the crowd up the stairs toward the seventh floor.

"His name is Severus," Lily replied. "We… uh… we live near each other and apparently he thought we would be spending time together this holiday. I didn't think to tell him that my parents were taking me to France."

"You do know he's a Slytherin, right?" Jeanne muttered. "Why on earth would you _want_ to be mates with him?" Lily looked as if she was going to retort, but instead her face grew red and she was silent as we moved our group up the stairs. It was a long quiet walk up toward the dormitories - the rest of us didn't talk until we were clambering into the portrait hole.

"Has anyone seen Gwen?" Lily finally asked, breaking the silence. "She didn't write me at all over break, even when I sent her present."

"She hasn't owled me," Ronnie said. Jeanne shook her head too. I didn't even bother replying. There's no way Gwen would choose to write me if she didn't write the others. We grabbed the ring of chairs on the wall opposite the fire. Lily pulled a Herbology textbook out of nowhere and had her nose buried deep before we could talk to her anymore about Gwen's strange silence.

"I wasn't really expecting anything anyway," Jeanne said. She was slowly undoing the ribbon she had braided into her hair. "It's not like we were the best of friends. I didn't even send her a Christmas present, after the way she treated you, Brendi." I felt a wave compassion grow for Jeanne – she hadn't stood up for me in the beginning, but at least she knew Gwen had done wrong. That was enough for me at that point. Ronnie, however, shook her head.

"I sent her goodies, just like I sent everyone else. She may have taken it out on you, Brendi, but we all know it's really James she's mad at. Just give her another chance, I'm sure she'll come round." With our pointed stares, her face flushed and she added, "Eventually." At that moment, Remus hurried up behind Lily's high-backed chair, looking flustered.

"Have you seen Sirius anywhere? We can't find him." He laid his hand on the back of my chair and looked around at us, almost as if he thought we knew a secret we weren't telling. Lily was the first to answer.

"None of us are hiding Sirius Black under our cloaks," she said (I sniggered at this – one day Remus would be saying the same line to a Dementor, and with the glare Lily was giving Remus, he might have well been one). "I suppose you'll have to go back to your little leader and inform him of the bad news". Remus looked fairly started at this coldness coming from Lily, but then he shrugged and turned back to join the two other boys who were huddled in the corner. Peter didn't look as scared as he had earlier, but James had probably backed off once he realized that Gwen wasn't in the room. He did look up and catch my eye as Remus returned to them – his scowl went even darker when Remus told him we knew nothing. With that, they hurried up to the boys dormitories, probably to figure out where Sirius could have gotten off to.

After a couple of hours of chatting with the girls, we retreated up to our dormitories where we found Gwen unpacking her satchel into her trunk. She must have slipped by us in the common room while we weren't paying attention, but she wasn't too keen on seeking our company even now that we knew she was around. She immediately retreated into the bathroom as we began to unpack, and was first in bed with her curtains shut tight. Lily frowned in her general direction as she was getting into bed, but Ronnie just looked sad.

"I wish none of this had ever happened," she whispered to me as we slipped into bed. Jeanne's soft breathing meant she was asleep, but both Gwen and Lily's beds were too silent to tell.

"I know," I replied quietly. "But it has, and now we have to live with ourselves. Hopefully she'll come round soon." Ronnie gave me a hopeful smile before she closed her curtains. Before I pulled mine shut, I grabbed Sirius' token from my bedside table. I turned it over and over in my hands, while the other girls slowly drifted to sleep. The concern that he hadn't made it back safely was bubbling to the surface of my mind. I realized that even the happieness of being with the girls was overshadowed by my worry. To put myself at ease, I clutched the stone as hard as I could and whispered his name. The stone glowed faintly and then faded away. I don't remember how much longer I was able to keep my eyes open, but my last thought going to sleep was willing that stone to glow.


	14. Returning Blacks and Riding Broomsticks

The next morning came, but a very somber Remus announced to us that Sirius was nowhere to be found. The boys took up their whispers in their corner of the common room while the girls (sans Gwen) and I headed for the Great Hall for breakfast. There was already chatter going on at the Gryffindor table, and as I swept my eyes across to the Slytherin table it seemed like there was some related conversation going on there as well. A vibrant girl, older than us, with black bushy hair and dark eyes kept glancing over toward our table, grinning more and more each time.

"But I mean really, do you think Black's alright?" Ronnie said, her mouth full of eggs.

"Not that I care, but it's probably some elaborate scheme Potter and his gang have cooked up to annoy us again," Lily said quite angrily. She had leaned her Transfiguration book against the bowl of fruit and was multitasking – studying and arguing with Ronnie. At one point they had turned to me but, trying to stay out of it, I just shrugged my shoulders and continued eating my toast. I may have acted nonchalantly, but I honestly was worried about Sirius – Hogwarts was more of a home for him than he ever had. Surely he would do everything in his power to return. I even started when the Slytherin girl gave a loud cackling laugh, dropping my sausage in my lap. Jeanne must have sensed my concern as she laid a hand on my arm.

"He'll be alright," she mumbled while Ronnie and Lily continued their discussion. I turned and looked at Jeanne – she was giving me a sad little smile, her dark hair covering enough of her face to make her look full of childish hope. I had never noticed how frightened she always appeared, even though I was quickly finding out she was the quiet, stalwart pillar of our group. I squeezed her hand and nodded, acknowledging her attempt to make me feel better, and we both turned back to our respective meals.

After breakfast (at which point Ronnie and Lily had agreed to disagree), we made our way back up to the dormitories – Gwen refused to come out of her bed, so barring the occasional sympathetic glance we simply ignored her. While Lily was focused on her Transfiguration and Jeanne was braiding a new ribbon into her hair, I had grabbed Sirius' rock from under my pillow, where it had spent the night without glowing once. I turned it over and over in my hand without any thought to it, listening to the goings on in the room and what snippets of noise I could hear from the common room. All of a sudden someone was making a great deal of racket in the floors below, and with a quick glance to the girls, the four of us rushed down to the common room and saw him – Sirius was backed into a corner by James and Remus, looking quite flustered. Surprisingly, the source of the agitation wasn't James – in fact, the ringleader looked about as concerned for Sirius' well-being as Remus did. The three of them looked up as we entered and a big smile lit up Sirius' tired face; James on the other hand, delved back into his irritation and turned his back to us quickly. Sirius quickly dodged James and Remus and made his way over to us. I glanced behind him at James, but the latter was already once again in irritated whispers with Remus. I stepped away from the girls to meet Sirius halfway; once he had approached, he laid a hand on my shoulder and smiled.

"Thanks for the gift," I said quietly. My left hand still clutched the rock in my pocket. "It helped."

"Good," he replied. "And thanks for yours. The itching powder really made an impression on my brother." At this point he was grinning widely, remembering my Christmas gift.

"Sirius..." I started, before he cut me off. He was still grinning, but now it looked forced. His eyes looked darker, but it might have just been the light.

"Look, I'm fine. I just missed the train, no big deal." I frowned but after a moment I let my head dip into a nod. I didn't want to risk giving him a hug (James was still watching), so I just put my hand where his lay on my shoulder.

"I won't stop asking, though," I whispered. "You'll have to tell me sooner or later." He took his hand away and looked down at the ground, obviously in distress. I noticed that his actions seemed pained, almost cringing. Reaching up to brush his hair out of his face, he finally looked up to make eye contact and nodded. I gave him a half-hearted smile.

"Yeah, of course," he finally conceded. "Just… not now." He put on another fake smile, clapped me on the shoulder, acknowledged the girls behind me with a tip of his head, and then returned to James, Remus, and a suddenly-appearing Peter. I turned around and walked the few feet back to Ronnie and Jeanne – Lily had her back turned, refusing to acknowledge their existence. I thought she was taking this whole thing a little overboard, but considering she had stood up to Gwen for me at the end of last term, I was not going to be the one to tell her to get a level head.

"He's fine," I told them. "Just missed the train." The girls started whispering to each other, and I was only half listening. I had looked back at Sirius across the room, who had turned to look back at me. Something was terribly wrong, and I had to find out exactly what that was.

Term started quietly but slowly grew to a steady murmur – classes were getting harder in preparation for end-of-term exams. The only change to the course curriculum was the addition of flying lessons for first years – the poster appeared on the Common Room bulletin board that Tuesday afternoon. James and Sirius had let out a holler with the news, and they weren't alone - all the first years crowded around to read, and almost everyone was buzzing with excitement. The following Thursday evening, the first year class was marched down to the Entrance Hall and outside to the grounds. It was a clear night, and although there was still snow on the ground, the air was still and not the bitter cold it had been all week. One large area of the grounds had been charmed clear of snow -there we found the hawk-like Madam Hooch and a set of brooms waiting for us. We were paired with the Hufflepuffs of our year, none of whom I recognized except the one who had tried to sneak a button into McGonagall's mid-term exam.

The first lesson, I knew what was coming – we would get a chance to see who the natural born flyers were. With the one simple word of "up", the probable Quidditch players would be decided and I was praying to be one of them. We approached the brooms cautiously – Jeanne was on my left, her head cocked to the side and no expression on her face. I couldn't remember if she said she had ever flown before. Sirius was on my right, and he looked positively glowing: there was no way he wouldn't pass this test with flying colors.

Sure enough, when we were given the signal, Sirius was the first to bark "UP!" and the broom jumped into his hand. He grabbed it expertly and swung one leg over, ready to take off when Hooch gave her word. Jeanne on the other hand wasn't fairing so well. I had barely heard her speak, but the broom was turning over on the ground instead of rising to her outstretched hand. I was suddenly very nervous as I looked down at the dilapidated old broom next to my feet – I was willing that broom not to do anything but rise to greet my hand.

"Up!" I said loudly, putting every ounce of will I had into making that broom come to me.

And it did. Not the quick jolt that Sirius had caused, but a very steady rise. It slowed as it got more toward my hand as if it wasn't sure if I was really worthy to ride. I didn't give it an option; swooping in, I wrapped my hand around it and swung one leg over. Jeanne was still having trouble, but Sirius was grinning at me.

"We'll make a quidditch player out of you yet," he whispered with a wink.

I looked around the yard for other successes. James, of course, was already hovering slightly off the ground, just itching to get into the sky. Remus and Peter were both still struggling - Remus had managed to get his broom to rise a foot into the air, at which point it stubbornly refused to move any higher. A flustered Peter could not even get his broom to vibrate. The girls weren't faring much better – Jeanne had finally just picked up her broom when Hooch's back was turned. Ronnie had frowned at this, but after a few more moments of frustration, followed suit. Lily stubbornly refused to cheat, so her broom had yet to fully leave the ground – the front tip was tapping out a beat on the grass.

"You're brilliant at this aren't you, Evans?" James called from his broom. "There's no textbook on how to _fly_." Lily refused to respond, but her face flushed and she seemed to be trying ten times harder to get the broom to rise. Finally, tired of waiting, Madam Hooch asked those struggling with their brooms to simply pick them up and mount them. Lily looked very frustrated at this – I imagine she couldn't stand being bad at something in school, especially something that she couldn't research to be good at. Nevertheless, she had straddled the broom and kicked off the ground with the rest of us.

The first lesson was nothing exciting – Hooch simply had us run through cycles of kicking off and hovering for a few seconds before coming back down to land. I was really hoping someone would pull a Neville and lose control of the broom – no such luck. The only incident involved one of the Hufflepuffs slipping sideways off her broom while it was in the air. She proceeded to faceplant into the ground (to the amusement of all around her) but no serious harm was done. All too soon we were asked to dismount the brooms and collect them in the middle. On the way back to the common room, James and Sirius were laughing and poking fun at a couple of the people who had struggled – namely Peter and the Hufflepuff girl. Remus and Peter followed closely behind them while the girls and I let the distance between us and the boys increase until they were out of sight.

"Potter needs to get his big head out of his fat arse", Lily finally grumbled, obviously letting out the rant that she had held in throughout the lesson. "Just because his parents gave him a toy broom along with everything else he's ever wanted, that doesn't give him the right to be a pig." Ronnie and Jeanne nodded while I stuffed my hands in my pockets, falling behind the others by a couple steps. I figured it would be easier for Lily just to let out a little steam rather than try and cool her off too soon.

"I can't believe he would say something like that, especially to someone who's never even had a chance to ride a broom!" Ronnie added, pulling a pastry out of thin air. "Even with prior practice I know I'm a horrible flyer – I like having two feet on the ground!" Jeanne nodded again and then turned over her shoulder to look at me.

"You were good though, weren't you Brendi? When did you learn to fly?" she murmured, falling back to walk with me. The other two were still ranting ahead of us.

"I've never ridden a broom before today," I responded, running a hand through my hair. Jeanne tilted her head to the side, reminding me strongly of a confused puppy.

"Your parents never taught you to fly?" she asked.

"Uh… nope."

"Oh." She said quietly. We had fallen back a little from the Ronnie and Lily, but their voices could still be heard as if we were still next to them Lily hadn't strayed far from the "big head out of fat arse" line and Ronnie did nothing but nod and support her. Jeanne was silent for a moment and then –

"You don't talk about your family much."

It was a simple statement, but it wrecked me a little bit. I was really trying to avoid ever having to have this conversation - I had come up with a million excuses not to give away any information about who I really was, but my mind went blank. I walked silently next to her for a while before replying.

"Yeah." I sighed. It was a simple answer, but I didn't know what else to say. Jeanne opened her mouth to say something but then thought better of it. She was silent for a minute, but when I finally glanced over at her, she gave me this half-knowing/half-pity look, and then wrapped her left arm around my right and pulled me into what could only be described as an arm hug. We walked like this until we reached the Fat Lady and entered the common room. It made me feel a bit better to know that Jeanne cared, but the problem still remained – when were they going to seriously ask me where I was from? And more importantly…

What was I going to say?


	15. Conflicts and Confidences

It wasn't long before I had to come up with an answer to that question.

It was one evening in late January. The first years had returned from our latest flying lesson, and it had not gone well. James and Sirius obviously were at the top of the class; their only real competitor was Amos Diggory from Hufflepuff. I was the next closest, but their childhood growing up in wizarding families had allowed them practice before coming to Hogwarts – unlike several of our classmates. Lily was still having a lot of trouble – although she could stay on the broom and could turn it in the required circles, she couldn't do much else. This frustrated her to no end, but even she wasn't the worst of the class. Several of the Hufflepuffs joined Peter, Ronnie, and Jeanne in being grounded. It was lucky they were not being graded for they would have failed; once Peter had nosedived into the closest tree no one was willing to subject themselves to the humiliation at the hands of James. Surprisingly, Gwen was horrid at flying – apparently she had made excuses to avoid flying with James instead of mounting a broom herself. It was obviously apparent that she had instead been avoiding causing herself embarrassment because it wasn't until that evening that she began allowing her toes to leave the ground while the rest of us were hovering meters in the air. She had become James easiest target, and even with the animosity that had occurred between her and the rest of us girls Lily had quickly intervened. She efficiently shut James down before he could cause the tears that were inevitable if he had continued.

We had just arrived back in our common room with Lily in a huff again. In order to intervene she had used the excuse that James was more insufferable, but refused talk to Gwen afterward because of the grudge she still held from the post-Ink-Incident fallout. Gwen had shut herself in her four-poster almost immediately, embarrassed that Lily had to step in to save her. Jeanne had also gone to bed in preparation for Friday's lectures, and Lily was proofing Ronnie's last minute Transfiguration essay, so I decided to take my Astronomy charts down to the common room to perfect them.

Most everyone had left the common room to get a good night's sleep – there was only a couple of NEWT students buried in their books in the far corner. The table in front of the fire was open, so I spread my Astronomy charts across the table and knelt on the floor to get the best work environment. I had perfected my northerly map and had begun to perfect the upper right hand corner of my easterly map when the portrait swung open behind me. I didn't bother to look up when I recognized James' voice. He was complaining to Remus about Lily, and sounded whinier than he usually did. Remus was silently bearing it, and when I finally glanced up I noticed that Remus was simply nodding at the right times as he led James and Peter past the couch behind me and up to the dormitories. The noise finally stopped when they shut the door to their dormitories. Only then did I notice that Sirius hadn't followed them up the stairs.

My head turned around, looking for the other dark haired Gryffindor. I started when I found him curled up in the armchair to my right staring into the fire.

"Hey," I said simply, laying my quill down and closing my ink pot. He tilted his head gently toward me, but didn't say anything. I frowned and then pushed myself back up to the couch behind me. I waited a moment and then patted the seat next to me. He finally turned his head to see what I had done, but instead of joining me on the couch he avoided eye contact and turned his gaze back to the fire. I was _not_ about to have that. I got up and, before he could avoid it, I grabbed his hand and dragged him over to the couch to have him sit next to me. He let out a low growl, but didn't pull against the motion. It was painfully obvious that there was something more going on than just studies and general exhaustion. I turned sideways on the couch and crossed my legs before I set to staring at him – I figured making him uncomfortable would be the easiest way to get him to open up. Sure enough –

"What?" he finally asked.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Sirius…"

"Nothing."

"_Sirius…_"

He finally made eye contact with me and glared for a moment before reaching into his robes and pulling out a piece of parchment. He shoved it into my hand and then got up and went to lean against the wall above the fire. His face looked even darker against the flickering light of the flames. I unfolded the parchment to discover a note written with a dark, heavy scrawl. It was signed…

"Oh, Sirius…"

The note was from his mother, Walburga Black. It was extensive list of what the evil woman found wrong with her son. _Consorting with mudbloods and blood traitors, no respect for elders, refusing to give up the less-than-impressive Gryffindor affiliation._ The disdain continued throughout the long piece of parchment. Obviously she was even more against Sirius' behavior than we had all previously believed. The last bit was the worst.

_"You are lucky your father mistakenly listens to my impossible brother Alphard. If it was up to me, you would not have returned to Hogwarts without the Slytherin colors on your robes. Slipping out in the night with Alphard's help was not only beyond disrespectful, it was an embarrassment to invite the Malfoy's over for brunch (they meant to introduce you to their eldest daughter) only to discover your room empty. I would have written sooner, but I've been trying to patch up the relationship that you so carelessly stained. You may not care about your status but you have a duty to your family, and the Malfoy's interest in your cousin Narcissa as a match for their eldest son Lucius is a greater priority than your selfish antics. I expect you to behave during your next holiday or you will find yourself in the middle of serious repercussions."_

I folded the parchment and placed it delicately on the table on top of my Astronomy charts. I pulled my hands back and curled into as tight of a ball as I physically could. Sirius had an arm against the wall above the fireplace and his eyes pointed into the fire, but weren't looking at it. His face wasn't dark anymore, it was… shining? As I watched, a tear slowly drew a path down his cheek – Sirius was most definitely crying. After a moment I rose from the couch to stand with him. I wrapped a hand in his and pulled him back to the couch. He followed me without complaint, but after a moment he caught my eye and began spilling his guts.

First he spoke to just the Slytherin-Gryffindor discord, and then it was the pureblood prejudice, then the family honor. His mother had things to say on each of them, but Sirius had even more. He was so sick of his family's messes, and he hated their blatant prejudices of anything less than perfect.

"The moment I got home I locked myself in my room and refused to come out," he went on. The tears had stopped by this point, having been replaced by another hardened look. "They finally sent Andromeda up to fetch me, knowing that she's the only one I'd listen to. That's when I made her promise to do the charm on the rock. I told her I'd only go down and face them if she helped me with your gift." I felt sick knowing that he had sacrificed some portion of his happiness for me. It really didn't feel right.

"Once I left my room it was over. They had me working all day, trying to keep me from 'doing anything I'd regret'. All my childhood I had been pampered to believe that we were perfect, but suddenly when I start to have doubts I turn into their little serving boy." Suddenly he laughed. "You should have seen the look on Reg's face. You would have sworn he thought he was in heaven, being able to order me around like the house elves." He caught my eyes and grinned. "He wasn't so happy after I dumped itching powder on his towel – there are just some places you can't scratch…" He was silent for a while, while the fire crackled. I took that moment to turn back to sit on the couch normally – my eyes wandered the room and locked onto the window. I noticed that there was a light dusting of snow falling through the dark sky. The NEWT students had long gone to bed and we were left alone in the common room. A moment later, Sirius' voice broke the silence again.

"They kept me doing things throughout the entire break. The only chance I had to write was when they were all asleep and I could sneak up to my father's room to fetch the owl. It only worked a couple of times, so I was able to get a letter out to you and to James, but once they figured out what I was doing they made sure I didn't have any time where I was alone. It was ridiculous – I felt like I was in Azkaban.

"Suddenly the week came where I was supposed to come back here. My mother worked me even harder, up until the day before we were supposed to leave. At that point she grabbed me and pulled me into the family tree room – we have this room covered ceiling to floor with this stupid tapestry of all our ancestors. Anyway, she pulled me in there and pointed to my name and gave me this big long lecture about how I was letting all of these people down by not living up to her expectations. That's when she pulled out a new set of Hogwarts robes and shoved them in my arms." He shook his head and allowed the silence to fill up the room. "They had Slytherin colors on them," he finally hissed, clenching his fists. "Slytherin! She was still stuck on the idea that I was useless to this stupid family if I wasn't in her stupid house."

I finally reached out to touch him, laying a hand on his shoulder blade as he lay hunched on the couch. He looked up and met my eyes and I could have sworn my soul melted at that very instant. His eyes, grey like the storm, were so full of anguish and pain that I almost felt them absorb any happiness I was holding onto. I couldn't do anything but keep the eye contact, and when he finally broke it I realized that I could finally breathe again. He continued.

"I was so mad that I threw them back at her. She went berserk and started…" He cringed and went silent for a moment before beginning again. "Well, let's just say that I wasn't in any shape to leave for Hogwarts the next day. I shut myself in my room and wouldn't come out. My father came up a couple times, not really caring one way or the other if I came out – he only did it to please my mother. I hurt Andromeda real bad when I wouldn't even open the door for her. I watched the clock go by and soon enough it was eleven in the morning and I knew that the train had left.

"So I sat in my room and listened to the silence of the house. At one point my mother came by my room and laughed at me through the door that I was 'useless' and didn't deserve to go back to the school. I had given up. Then that evening, my uncle Alphard came to call. If he hadn't been my mother's older brother, he wouldn't have been allowed to see me, but he was. At that point I thought I had nothing left to lose, so I opened my door to him. He hurried inside and proceeded to tell me that all was not lost, that I should be proud of who I was and what I believed in. He convinced me that I should pack my things and plan to leave that night. So I did.

"He stayed for dinner and distracted my parents as I loaded my things into my trunk. He pretended to come to say goodbye to me afterward, but he took me away instead. He escorted me to Hogsmeade and made sure that I got back here the next day."

He stopped here, his story over. I must have looked shocked and pained because when he looked up at me he got this flush over his face.

"So, yeah, that's why I was late."

I don't know when I had started to cry, but I knew that there were tears silently running down my face. Before I could help myself my arms were around his neck and I had pulled him into the tightest hug I could manage. Once again, he didn't push against the motion. He just let himself fall into the hug, and I could feel his shoulders relax.

"It feels good to tell someone," he finally said. "James would never understand… Somehow I knew you would."

The silence filled the room again, but this time it wasn't nearly as awkward as it had been before. This silence wrapped around the pair of us like a blanket and seemed to pull the despair out of the situation. The last tears fell as the grandfather clock chimed midnight. I finally found my voice and broke the silence, releasing him from the hug.

"So the rock… those times when you used it…" The rest went unspoken. _You were being hurt._

"Yeah…"

"Oh…"

At that point I suppose Sirius was simply tired of talking, so I should have seen it coming. It had to eventually.

"Why… why didn't you go home?" he asked finally, sitting up and looking at me. "For break I mean?" Then he tilted his head. "I guess I really don't know why I thought you'd understand this better than James. I never hear you talk about your family."

At this point I knew something had to give. Every other time anyone had asked me, there had always been something else to distract them. I guess it had been luck up to that point that I never had to discuss family with anyone. Maybe it was luck that it was only Sirius now who sat in front of me – the person I had always thought I understood most, and yet the same person who surprised me with every turn. It was oddly appropriate that I would be discussing this with the one person who needed a family as much as I did. _But how much do I tell him? How much do I have to lie?_

I stood up and walked over to the window with my back to Sirius. I could feel his eyes following me, but I needed a moment. The windowsill was light with the snow that was still falling outside, and I could feel the fire flickering against the bottom of my robes. Finally I reached up to barely touch the window with my fingertips, tracing my reflection in the glass.

"Where do I begin…?" I murmured.


	16. Broken Memories and Bleeding Martyrs

"Where do I begin…?" I murmured.

I allowed my fingers to drop from the glass and they subconsciously found their way to the pocket of my pajama pants, where my wand had been shoved carelessly. I found comfort with my fingertips against the softness of the wand wood, and the brief moment of courage allowed me to embark on the tale.

"I don't really have a family…," I began. It wasn't far from the truth, especially since in this time period my father was only an infant. _If he exists at all_, I added to myself. "The accident wiped a lot of those memories away; I get bits and pieces sometimes… but…" I sighed. "I'm pretty sure my dad is a Muggle. That is, I never remember him speaking to me about any kind of magic abilities, but I guess we never really needed them."

I closed my eyes and a vision of my father's home bubbled up to the surface of my memories, and suddenly I was in his garden again. My senses were overwhelmed with the taste of fresh strawberries and the smell of the small herb plants which barely reached the sunniest part of the garden. It was the day after a small storm, and my trainers sank slightly into the wet dirt as I walked among the plants. The bells of a distant clock tower were chiming away the time; I didn't count them, but with the last chime I faded back into the present.

My eyes opened to the same cold glass of the common room window. The snow had stopped.

"I remember a little house in the outskirts of a city – and my dad and my brothers. My dad owned a bookstore – we lived above it." Even as I spoke it, the memories flitted in and out of view. It was all the truth, but the months I had spent here (I realized) had chipped away at the images in my mind. I had spent so much time in the garden it was no surprise that it was the first image to come to mind. The smell of books was next, then the roughness of old paper. But the faces and the voices were just out of reach – even my father's laugh was fleeting.

"It wasn't a bad life. We had food on the table and classes to keep up with. I remember working in the bookstore with my dad, helping him make enough to get by. My eldest brother was a soldier, called off to the Muggle wars in the East. My other two brothers were both younger than me. I remember this stupid little cloth rabbit that one of them had – he carried it around everywhere." This image brought a small smile to my face, but it didn't last very long.

"And your mother?" Sirius murmured quietly from behind me. I had almost forgotten he was there. The smile dropped from my face.

"I don't know. I don't have any memories of her." That was the truth. I had never had a mother in my life. My eldest brother remembered her, but neither him nor my father ever talked about her. The two younger boys were technically my half-brothers, products of some woman my father had taken to for a couple years before she got sick of being a housewife and moved on. He was never bitter – he said that the four of us were the best things that ever happened to him. But every now and then he'd pull this picture frame out of his wardrobe and cry for a few moments before replacing it, locking the wardrobe, and returning to whatever project he had abandoned.

"I suppose I don't have any right to understand what you're going through," I finally said, looking back at Sirius with a sad smile. "I'm pretty sure my family would have done anything for me… Anything to make me happy." I moved to sit down with him; this time it was my turn to stare into the fire. I could see why Sirius found it easier to talk while doing so – the light of the dancing flames were comforting against the storm of emotions that was suddenly raging within me.

"But you can't go back to them," he whispered.

"They may not even exist," I replied. "I honestly don't know how I got here, or what happened to them after I disappeared. It's horrible not knowing… not knowing _anything_. It tormented me for _ages_ before I realized I couldn't do anything about it."

"So the holidays…"

"I spent them here alone."

The room was silent again. The fire even seemed to diminish in the open space – the room felt impossibly big and impossibly small at the same time. I felt oddly comfortable in the suffocation.

"Geez…" Sirius finally whispered, reaching a hand up to ruffle his hair. "We're a pair aren't we? Me with the miserable family I want to get rid of and you with the perfect family you can't have." At this point I looked up to meet his wry grin; we both began chuckling with half-nervous half-relieved laughter. He was right – and he was the perfect person to have opened up to. He made no comment about my memories, and didn't inquire any further into my story. If he was more curious he didn't show it – a gesture that I appreciated. I was so happy to have finally told someone, and I'm really glad that someone was Sirius.

"Well now I can't _help_ but be friends with you," he finally said, grinning. "You know too much." His face took on a light that I hadn't seen in him since he had returned from break.

"Same goes for you too, mate." I said, lightly punching him in the arm.

We talked for little while longer, until the clock chimed one. At that point I gathered my Astronomy stuff and Sirius grabbed his mother's letter. He proceeded to crumple it up and chuck it in the fire. We walked to the back of the room where the dormitory stairs diverged. At that point he gave me a one armed hug.

"Thanks for listening," he said when he let me go. "I don't know where things are gonna go from here…" The reference to James was painfully obvious. "… but you should know that the rest of us consider you a friend. Thanks Brendi."

I smiled and nodded, knowing that this moment probably would never again come to pass. Sirius' loyalty to James was too deep to be close friends with me in public. Hopefully this silent friendship would last.

And so it continued for the next few weeks. While no one was looking we would exchange reassuring smiles and occasionally when one of us got in a mood, the other would silently pass a note with words of encouragement. No one noticed except for the all-seeing Remus, who I accidentally hit with one such note. He simply gave me a knowing look and passed it on (which both Sirius and I appreciated).

James had not made any steps to heal his relationship with the girls and me. Essentially we both refused to acknowledge the other's existence. The only thing that was keeping Lily from ripping James apart is that he had stopped objecting (at least in public) to Remus and Peter socializing with us; Sirius, of course, was his closest friend and couldn't wave in the hallway without earning a glare. Although I had gotten caught up with the first term's work by Christmas, I was still in need of a little help in charms and potions – Lily was the only one of the girls who could handle tutoring me in the two of them, and was adamant that I not return to the boys for help, but Remus pointed out that he had already tutored me in both. She reluctantly agreed that she would concede the charms tutoring, as long as there was no James-like brainwashing involved.

"You're tapping. It's more of a poke," Remus said calmly. We had been working in an empty classroom for an hour, trying to charm a flower bud to open and close on its own. At this point the flower was smoldering a little bit and performing a feeble little jig on the top of the desk. I groaned and collapsed into the closest desk chair.

"Why is this so _hard_, Remus?" I whined. He just laughed, putting the tip of the wand to the flower and immobilizing it in the middle of the jig. It fell gently on its side and Remus picked it up and placed it in his pocket.

"Maybe if we take a break?" He suggested, pulling another desk up to mine and taking a seat.

"Please." I crossed my arms on the desk and rested my forehead on top of them, my wand slid up one of my sleeves. "I don't know why it's so difficult…"

Remus simply chuckled and leaned his chair back on two legs, eyes closed. We sat like that for a few moments before suddenly the door exploded open and James burst into the room, screaming the end of some unintelligible rant. Remus' chair slid out from under him but he wasn't focused on that –James' glasses were askew and his hair was sticking up on end – it seemed to be… yep, smoking. There was small piece of fabric hanging off the end of his robes that was still on fire. He took a split second to glare at me before dropping his eyes to the floor.

"We need you…. Both of you." That was all he said. He brought his gaze up and met my eyes with rage before he bolted back through the door. I pushed the chair back, pulled out my wand and ran out the door after him without a backward glance. I only knew Remus had followed me because the classroom door had slammed and there was a patter of running feet behind me. I chased James up a flight of stairs, and as I stepped onto the terrace of the fifth floor there was a loud bang and a yelp that echoed from the corridor, followed by a jeering laugh.

I stepped around a statue of a lost looking wizard with his gloves on the wrong hands and just barely ducked in time for a yellow spell to fly over my head and crash into the wall behind me. I threw myself back behind the statue as Remus approached and did the same. James had already dodged his way back into the corridor to support Sirius and Gwen, who were both standing in the middle of the corridor about thirty feet away. Their wands were out and pointed at a very violent looking group of Slytherins at the far end of the hallway. Sirius' face and robes were stained from blood from a cut he had sustained over his right eye. Gwen's skin was covered in blotchy boils and one of her eyes was swollen shut. They both were still standing though, which was more than could be said for Peter and Ronnie – Peter was on his back behind Sirius and Gwen, apparently unconscious, while Ronnie was on the ground behind another statue with her knees up to her chest, obviously crying. She was bleeding too – I could see a red stain soaking into her leggings on her left leg.

The group of Slytherins were simply laughing – they all looked to be third years or above and none of them had sustained any injuries besides a smoking hole in the bottom of one of their black and green robes.

"Oh, look, more little lions have come to play!" the brown-haired one sneered. "Wanna have a go, little firsties?"

I heard Remus behind me suck in his breath. I knew he didn't want to be here – he was definitely the "read about spells" instead of the "use them on other people" type. I glanced back at him and gave him a nod of my head before I ducked back around the statue to kneel beside Peter. James had positioned himself next to Sirius with his wand out as well. Sirius glanced back to and nodded toward me as well.

"Get him out of here," he said softly, still staring down the group of Slytherins. They had started to laugh to one another again, before suddenly another spell came flying our way, aimed between Sirius and Gwen – at me. Sirius yelled _Protego!_ but his shield wasn't strong enough – the spell technically performed it's task of protecting but it did blast Sirius off of his feet and into the wall behind us.

Ronnie squeaked from a few feet to my right, and my mind kicked back into action. I swung Peter's arm over my shoulder and (as quickly as I could manage), dragged him back to the statue where Remus was still hiding.

At seeing Sirius get hurt again, James went berserk and started throwing all kinds of spells at the Slytherin group. Unfortunately his talent didn't matter – he simply could not compare to several years of experience. All he got for his trouble was a _Furnuculus_ curse to the face – he immediately began breaking out into boils identical to Gwen's. It would have been hilarious had the situation been less serious…

Sirius.

I glanced back at the dark haired boy, only a few feet away from me now. He was coming to, and his hand was going up to his head to check the cut. Fortunately, at that very moment a loud boom sounded from down the hall and I looked back in time to see two of the Slytherins lifted off their feet and thrown backward. A shield had been thrown up between Gwen and the Slytherins – one that had caused the last Slytherin spell to rebound onto the attackers. I looked around for the source to find Professor McGonagall swooping down on the remaining Slytherins with unmatched fury. Lily came darting around the corner behind her, obviously out of breath.

"Attacking first years!" McGonagall screeched, replacing her wand in her robes and glaring at the snakes who were still standing. "I thought you would have learned your lesson mister Wilkes! And mister Rosier!" The two boys who had been dealing out the most spells refused to meet her eye. "Headmaster's office. NOW!"

With the immediate threat removed, I rushed over to Sirius, who was still dazed. He had a large lump on the back of his head and was still bleeding from the cut over his eye. It was only Remus, Lily and I who remained unscathed, and it was the three of us who helped the rest of them to the Hospital Wing. Peter, the most obviously injured, was immediately laid on a bed for Madam Pomfrey to attend to. James and Gwen collapsed onto beds as well, while Ronnie and Sirius simply sat on the ends of theirs.

For the first time in quite a while, Lily wasn't nagging the boys over anything. She had calmly taken a potion from Madam Pomfrey and was applying it over Peter's chest, where he seemed to have been burned through his robes. The nurse had busied herself with relieving the boils on Gwen and James, while Remus was applying a different potion to Ronnie's cut. That left me to tend to Sirius, who was still sitting up on his bed. Not knowing the proper incantation, I collected a rag and a bowl of water from Madam Pomfrey's supplies and proceeded to begin cleaning the blood off of Sirius' face. His cut wasn't deep, but it was fairly large and in the excitement of the duel had elicited quite a lot of blood. He cringed a couple times as the rag neared the injury, but by time his face was clean it had stopped bleeding and he was gaining color back in his cheeks. Noting that Madam Pomfrey had her priorities set on the people with more dire injuries, I decided it was time to question Sirius.

When I finally broke the silence with my questions, Sirius simply smiled, albeit painfully. It took him a while before he answered.

"Slytherin's are evil little pricks," he said with a snort. "We didn't do anything to provoke it, or at least anything that a normal person would respond to with _this_." He gestured about the room.

"We had just come in from sitting out at the lake. We were going up to the Common Room when we ran into the girls. They were ignoring us, so we decided to follow them around and bother them until they acknowledged us, but Peter accidentally tripped over his own feet and bumped against one of the Slytherins. Rosier, I think. There was no harm in it, but they thought that we needed to learn a lesson in _respecting our betters_." He said the last bit with a sneer.

"So they shot something at Peter before we could react. I hadn't even had a chance to pull out my wand before James was cursing them back." He went silent for a moment. Then, "All of a sudden there were spells everywhere. Peter was down for the count and Lily ran off immediately to find a teacher. When I got cut and Ronnie went down, James ducked out to find you two in case we were done for. You know the rest."

I stood in shock for a moment. "James?" I whispered. "He stood up for Peter?"

"Merlin, Brendi," Sirius spat at me, his mood changing in a second. "You can't believe that he would stand up for one of his friends?"

"That's not what I mea-"

"Sure it is! You can't believe that he would do anything unless it was for himself, but I'll have you know that was angrier than I've ever seen him."

"Sirius." I said, looking him straight in the eye. I kept my tone low enough that the sound wouldn't carry across the room to where James was lying. "The only thing I know is that every time I've seen Peter get hurt before now, it's because James let him take the fall for something that you two pulled. I'm not saying he's a bad person, I'm saying that I'm simply surprised he cares about Peter as more than just a scapegoat! And don't even get me started on how he treats all of us!"

Sirius glared down at the ground before allowing his face to soften.

"I know it's been rough, and I'm sorry I said that. I didn't mean to attack you, it's just… He's my best friend, and you're a… friend. And it really sucks not being able to talk to both of you without making the other one mad. I know he can be cruel, but he's trying. Honestly I'm surprised he stood up for Peter too." His face hardened again. "But more than that I'm pissed off that those Slytherin pricks think it's alright for them to just walk up and hex one of us because it's fun. They will pay for what they did."

At that moment, Madam Pomfrey bustled me out of the way so she could tend to Sirius' injuries. I spent the rest of the afternoon switching between Peter and Gwen's bedsides, waiting for them to be well enough to leave. Sirius and James left by mid-afternoon, and I saw a glint in their eye that I knew would soon become familiar – the Slytherins would rue the day they offended James Potter and Sirius Black.


End file.
